Death to Diets...once and for all!

You are Standing in line at the grocery check out.  

You have been having cravings for a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios...and as you wait, you glance to the left and see the magazines..."Lose 10 pounds in 5 days!"  one headline reads, right below it you see "Lose 4 sizes by Thanksgiving" and next to that?  "Flatten your abs in just 5 minutes a day!"

It is everywhere you turn!  You look at your stomach, reach for the magazine...and remember....after the last diet you tried, you gained back all the weight you lost, plus an extra 10 pounds...maybe this isn't the answer.  

As you pause you think about how going on a diet makes you feel...and the list starts...

 

YOU...

1. Feel Deprived
2. Feel Punished-Like you are not good enough  
3. Feel Weak, Tired, Lethargic
4. Are Overly Emotional 
5. Are Short Tempered
6. Feel Depressed
7. Look more critically at yourself in the mirror (increased body checking)
8. Are obsessive about exercise and calorie intake
9. Withdraw from hanging out, talking or just being with friends
10. Get Stressed out over being with family
11. Isolate and withdraw

Do you realize you are not alone?  95% of dieters regain the weight anyway…  Time and time again.  I have myself....more times than fingers on my hands can count.  It is exhausting...

THIS time, as you reach for the magazine and the urge comes to go on a diet…

you pause and think: 

What if I decided NEVER TO GO ON A DIET AGAIN? 

What would that look like? Feel like?  

Take a look and I will share with you my list...

You Will.... 

1. Feel Empowered!!!
2. Move and exercise how and when  you want
3. Have all the energy you need to do whatever you want to do 
4. Allow you to enjoy all foods with friends, family or alone
5. Not have to rely on comments from others
6. Understand and Empathize with the struggles of others
7. Release your own expectations of “fitting into the thin ideal”
8. Be free from mirrors, scales, calories
9. Feel free to where clothes that are comfortable 
10. Gain Confidence in yourself
11. Not stress over going to the beach, getting photographed or trying on clothes

As for me, I want to enjoy a glass of wine, an ice cream cone, and chocolate chip cookies...I want to move my body on my terms, respect and honor myself.  

YOU ARE WORTH IT.    

You deserve to feel empowered and strong and follow your own rules, your own standards and be OK with all of them…

The choice is up to you. 

Click here for more information and grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally Free Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

You are worth it. 

I was walking the beach yesterday, and noticed the path of a snail, winding, circular, curious. It reminded me of my journey. Trying so hard to get somewhere only to wind up back where I started. Diet after diet, cleanse after cleanse, workout after workout.

I paused, at first saddened by that thought...of all that wasted time, yet, if it wasn’t for the journey, the “failures” the pain and exhaustion...I wouldn’t have found myself FINALLY here.

At peace with my body, free from the obsessive thoughts about calories, food and eating...

Mindfully stepping forward, noticing, tasting, feeling.

Moving towards the feelings of not being good enough with compassion.

Releasing the expectations of perfectionism and detaching from the outcome of my work...

Letting myself write my story, one word at a time, following my gut, trusting my instincts...

Laughter, joy, connection, forgiveness, sadness, loneliness, frustration, loss, regret....are all ok and expected to be interwoven in and our of our lives, no one can escape.  It is there to be fully experienced.

Keep moving forward, experience failure and success, and notice how we never get stuck forever in one place, even when we feel like we are going backwards, we are learning and growing stronger.

Step into your unique story...if you Are feeling stuck, reach out for help...there is hope for you find your way.  www.shapingperspectives.com

My food police diary

“You better watch what she eats” the doctor said to my mom, “She weighs more than she should at her age”. 

My mom nodded and looked at my belly. 

It was 1973, the year of Watergate, Roe vs Wade, the ribbon cutting of the world trade center, and the Carly Simons song ‘Your so Vain” played on the radio

This was the year the Food & Diet Police were hired at my home just for me. 

They:

• ·      Watched the foods I put on my plate
• ·      Listened closely for the refrigerator door to open or the candy dish lid to be lifted
• ·      Allowed me only certain foods
• ·      Let me know that “Only your brother can eat that, you cannot”
• ·      Asked me, “How could you be hungry?  You just ate “
• ·      Told me to “Go outside and play, its too early for a snack”

During this time I noticed a steady stream of thoughts and questions that circled around in my brain.

How can I lose weight?

How much more am I going to have to exercise?

What if I can’t lose weight?

Which led to more pressure and more negative thoughts and more obsessiveness to obey the food police.  I felt this drive to keep striving for the approval of my parents, my peers and society.

100% of my time and effort was consumed by keeping my weight in check, keeping up this false idea of what I should look like and striving for this idealized vision of perfection.  I said no to party’s, vacations and invitations to experience life.  The gym became my best friend. I became lost in my compulsion to succeed.

This landed me in the hospital for anorexia nervosa and in the care of multiple psychologists.  It is no wonder I have struggled with food and my body for the last 40+ years. 

It was only when my knee began breaking down that I finally noticed what my body was telling me… I was tired, drained, lacking energy, empty and exhausted. This was the moment I finally realized that it didn’t matter how much time, energy and focus I spent on trying to have the perfect body, meet society’s thin ideal or gain my parent’s acceptance, it was not worth it. 

I knew I had to start listening and respecting my body and it’s needs and fire the food police once and for all.

Click here to grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

Your Story

To know your purpose and then find the path that leads you there is my hope.  The questions I ask myself are:  Why am I here?  Why was I born?  What am I supposed to be doing with this life I have been given?  

Our purpose is more than any of us think.  It is an understanding that we might need to stop trying so hard, stop asking the questions, being ok not knowing what it is.  Our place on this earth is to Trust...To trust that our path is out there waiting for us to get out of our own way.

I believe that if we can share our bliss...our enthusiasm, our love, our light; of which comes from our talents. It doesn’t  matter how insignificant, or irrelevant we may think these talents are-     we own them and they are OURS.  They are ours to share with others.  It could be the way you tell a joke, the way your laughter is contagious, the way you tell(or write) a story, the way you draw an elephant or flower, the way you do a jumping jack, navigate your computer, thread a needle....

Living our lives with joy, happiness, and laughter...that is the path we are to follow...

Not the path our parents wanted us to pursue, not the path your husband or wife wants you to follow, not the one our teachers, our bosses, or society want us to go after...

We have lived our lives believing that we should be successful, make a lot of money, raise a happy family, hold down a “good” job, be a wonderful friend, be fit, healthy, attractive, thin and of course happy...

All these are thoughts and beliefs that have been made into stories...stories that we have told ourselves for years, and stories that we have been bombarded with through society, and the people that surround us.

It is time to release all these stories, for they are not yours.  It is time to write your own story, pave your own path.  What does this fresh new story of your life look like?

My story includes helping others find their way out of pain, out of struggle, out of the story they live in where they don’t belong, are not enough,  or don’t believe in themselves...

It is your turn to begin to pave a path where beauty surrounds you, where your mini me is in awe of your strength, where your mind is quiet, and your body is at peace with itself.  Breath the fresh air, trust in yourself, trust in your story, trust in your life...trust the amazing and overwhelming beauty that is within you...Follow the paved path and trust...

The NEW normal

I overheard a woman at the gym the other day(an attractive and fit woman in my eyes) say that on January 1st, she was going to "Reclaim her Fit Body".

It got me thinking...what does that mean?  What defines a "Fit Body"?  I used to measure my own fitness with thinness, low body fat levels and perfect symmetry.  The lower the body fat, the more fit I was...

I look at myself now and I know I have an average amount of body fat, not too low, not too high. Not that long ago I would have been describing myself as "Out of Shape" and "Fat" because I am not as "thin" as I have been in the past.  I now know that is not true.  My body can do almost anything I ask of it...from carrying heavy boxes and picking up children, to running up and down stairs or down the street.

How do you define being fit?  Is it the amount of weight you can lift?  How many pushup or squats you can do?  How many miles you can run?  How many days you can cleanse or eat "Clean"?

I have struggled my whole life with accepting the body I was blessed with. I have tried many methods to either CHANGE IT or HIDE IT. (and still try to hide it on occasion).

The Acceptance of What Is...This is a hard concept for many.  I am learning to accept what is....still knowing I can change, learn and grow within certain areas if I so choose AND/or I can accept what is.

For Example...

I can accept my body as it is or I can try to lose weight and try to lower my body fat level, by going on a "diet".   This would make me "fitter" right?   

This is what I know from experience...after experience ...after experience...

It would make me:

1. Feel Deprived
2. Feel Punished-Like I am not good enough
3. Feel Weak, Tired, Lethargic
4. Be Emotional 
5. Be Short Tempered
6. Feel Depressed
7. Look critically at myself more in the mirror (increased body checking)
8. Be obsessive about my exercise and calorie intake
9. Withdraw from hanging out, talking or just being with friends
10. Stress out over being with family and withdraw

After a while of this "Diet"  I would begin to hear compliments...things like "Wow, you look great, have you lost weight? How did you do it?"

These feel good right?  Until they make you think and overanalyze them and say to yourself: "Wow, I must have gotten really fat" (THIS IS NOT QUITE THE FEELING I WAS LOOKING FOR!)

If I decide to accept my body and Reclaim MYSELF:

 

It would make me:

1. Feel Empowered
2. Allow me to move and exercise how and when I want
3. Have all the energy I need to do whatever I want to do 
4. Enjoy all foods with friends, family or alone
5. Not expect compliments from others (I used to thrive on this, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and pride and filled my EGO)
6. Understand and Empathize with the struggles of others
7. Feel Free from expectation
8. Be free from mirrors, scales, calories
9. Feel free to BE ME

I am 53 years old.  I have worked with clients from 18-94.  Some of them enjoy Christmas cookies and look forward to dinners out with friends, while others worry about fitting into their clothes of 30+ years ago and how many calories are "In that dessert"...

I want to grow older enjoying walks, drumming, dancing, twirling and moving my body with a childlike joy...
 

I want to enjoy a glass of wine, an ice cream cone, nachos, french fries and chocolate chip cookies.

I want to feel empowered and strong following my own rules, my own standards and be OK with it.

I need NOT "Reclaim my Fit Body" of yester-year...

My body IS STRONG, my mind IS FUELED, and I am now going to have leftover Chinese food for Breakfast...

Judge Foody (Not to be confused with Judge Judy)

"I cant believe I ate all that!"
"That was such a bad thing to eat!"
"I am going to have to stay at the gym all day because of that lunch!"

These are words I have said to myself and hear daily at work.  Our inner Judge scolding us, and letting us know how unworthy we are.  All because of our own perception and beliefs about what is Right or Wrong with the food we eat.

Good Foods/Bad Foods=Good Girl/Bad Girl

Exercise becomes punishment for a dessert shared with a friend, which should have been enjoyed and treasured moments in time...Not punishment.

Step on the scale, step off, move it to another spot, try again.  Today's mood dependent on what this hunk of metal says...

Food is not "Good" or "Bad"...as a matter of fact, I think the M&M people are very cute and entertaining...how could they be bad?

Life is too short to have the food Judge in my face any longer.  She has criticized my choices, dictated my actions, scolded and shamed me into depression, addiction and abuse.

Food is Fuel...It is needed to keep us going.  For us to keep our energy up and keep our brains and bodies working.  It is needed for us to make a difference with our work, enjoy a walk in nature, connect with friends, carry the groceries, rearrange furniture( a fun trait I get from my mom, that drives everyone else crazy!), write, read, stretch...

This life is full of so many wonderful things.  Why do we continue to let the Judge in our head ruin an otherwise perfectly good day by telling us we have made the wrong choice, or bullies you because the scale says something it doesn't like.

Throw away the scale, let the M&M people be your friends.  FIRE the JUDGE!  She has made enough money to retire very nicely...in an upscale retirement community in Florida.  I have paid her well throughout the years.  It is time for me to hire myself to be my own Judge.  One that treats me with respect and admiration.  One that does not criticize my choices for dinner, or guilt me into going to the gym...again...

My new Judge says "Eat for Energy, Exercise for Enjoyment"