What is your purpose?

"Why do you do what you do?"  she asked...

I took a deep breath...my eyes started to leak...

"Because I don't want other women to waste the time, energy, and their self respect, self-esteem and self confidence that I did" I say.  Over 40 years of dieting, depression, anxiety, addiction, and continued criticism of self...

This video is to remind me of why I do what I do.

How to FEEL GOOD in Your Body

How often do you have a negative thought about your body?  

Is it first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror?  Stare at the clothes in your closet?  Step on the Scale?

It is no wonder that 97% of women have an “I hate my body” moment every single day…we have programmed ourselves!

We have, on average about 50,000 thoughts every single day, and research tells us that of these 50,000 thoughts, about 80% of them are negative!  AND on top of that as much as 90% of those are repeated day after day after day!  

So, with this knowledge, it is worth thinking about what it is you say to yourself about your body.  

Pause for a moment and think...What do you say to yourself when you first look in the mirror every morning?  

Is it easy to find a flaw with it right away?  Do you automatically bring judgment to the way you look first? 

Or, do you smile, say hello and take a moment to be grateful to have another day to experience this life and make more memories?

1 ONE of the quickest ways to begin to feel good in your body is to start every day being grateful for one thing about your body. It could be…

·      The unique color of your eyes

·      The strength of your legs

·      Your manicured fingernails

·      Your ability to hear the rain on the roof

·      The smoothness of your skin

·      The shape of your eyebrows

Anything counts here.  This can feel a little awkward at first, due to the fact that women are programmed not to look kindly towards themselves or their bodies in fear that others will think they are arrogant or narcissistic.

BUT, by starting the day noticing something that you like, or something you are grateful for about yourself, you set yourself up for noticing more beauty throughout the day ahead.  Just as if you started your day judging yourself, feeling shame, anger or frustration with your body, you set yourself up to be more judgmental of others as the day progresses.

Why not be a rebel! Begin your day by noticing the wonder of your body and all that it can do: hug, walk, watch a sunrise, listen to music, taste a piece of chocolate, sit in a Adirondack chair, stand to admire a piece of artwork, pick something up off the floor, swing on a swing or swim in the water.

By moving the focus away from what you cannot do and towards what you can do makes a big difference in the way you feel all day.  

2. Another way to feel good in your body is to wear clothes that fit and feel good on your body! 

So many women I know wake up every morning and stare into a closet of clothes that don’t fit, and from there they begin to go into an internal negative dialogue with themselves.  Feeling ashamed that they don’t look like they “should”, angry that they ate that second piece of pizza or didn’t get to the gym, frustrated that those pants from 5 years ago don’t fit anymore. 

I encourage you to clean out your closet and fill it with clothes that you feel good in, colors, fabrics and sizes that allow you to move and breathe. 

You have the ability to choose to start every morning looking at a closet of clothes that make you smile (setting you up to smile more during your day) VS looking at a closet day after day feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up or even full of shame and hatred of yourself. 

·      You can box some clothes up, bring them to a consignment shop, put them out of site or give them to a shelter for someone else who may need them, to enjoy.

Wearing clothes that feel comfortable on your body is a great way to take care of yourself, an important self-care technique that can also help decrease stress and increase happiness.

3.  Lastly, another way to help you feel good in your body is to let go of all sources of comparison. 

Comparison of friends, family, social media feeds, cultural & societal norms and even younger versions of yourself.  

Here is how…

·      Unsubscribe to social media feeds that make you feel “less than” or not “good enough”

·      Find feeds that make you feel empowered and confident in how you look, check out Shaping Perspectives!

o   Shaping Perspectives...A Woman's Way to Joy

·      Notice when you begin to compare yourself to others...You are the only you.  Only you have your unique genetics.  Comparing yourself to another is like comparing apples to oranges

o   Start to appreciate your unique genetic type, tall, short, narrow hips, wide hips, voluptuous torso, thick thighs, small feet (you get the idea)

Research tells us that comparing yourself to others will decrease your own self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and overall body image. 

Feeling comfortable and appreciating the body that you have today can decrease stress, increase joy and will lead to a life full of more confidence and happiness

My food police diary

“You better watch what she eats” the doctor said to my mom, “She weighs more than she should at her age”. 

My mom nodded and looked at my belly. 

It was 1973, the year of Watergate, Roe vs Wade, the ribbon cutting of the world trade center, and the Carly Simons song ‘Your so Vain” played on the radio

This was the year the Food & Diet Police were hired at my home just for me. 

They:

• ·      Watched the foods I put on my plate
• ·      Listened closely for the refrigerator door to open or the candy dish lid to be lifted
• ·      Allowed me only certain foods
• ·      Let me know that “Only your brother can eat that, you cannot”
• ·      Asked me, “How could you be hungry?  You just ate “
• ·      Told me to “Go outside and play, its too early for a snack”

During this time I noticed a steady stream of thoughts and questions that circled around in my brain.

How can I lose weight?

How much more am I going to have to exercise?

What if I can’t lose weight?

Which led to more pressure and more negative thoughts and more obsessiveness to obey the food police.  I felt this drive to keep striving for the approval of my parents, my peers and society.

100% of my time and effort was consumed by keeping my weight in check, keeping up this false idea of what I should look like and striving for this idealized vision of perfection.  I said no to party’s, vacations and invitations to experience life.  The gym became my best friend. I became lost in my compulsion to succeed.

This landed me in the hospital for anorexia nervosa and in the care of multiple psychologists.  It is no wonder I have struggled with food and my body for the last 40+ years. 

It was only when my knee began breaking down that I finally noticed what my body was telling me… I was tired, drained, lacking energy, empty and exhausted. This was the moment I finally realized that it didn’t matter how much time, energy and focus I spent on trying to have the perfect body, meet society’s thin ideal or gain my parent’s acceptance, it was not worth it. 

I knew I had to start listening and respecting my body and it’s needs and fire the food police once and for all.

Click here to grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

The Taming of the Shrew (Mini-Me)

Isn't that the name of a Shakespeare Play?  As I thought of it, my first thoughts went to my Mini-Me.  I do realize there is a different connotation within the play, yet there is relevance in the words when I think about my own destructive Mini-Me. 

My Mini-Me has created and intricate series of roadways in my brain.  She is the BEST at telling me that I am not "good enough".  What I hear when she says that is this: You are not thin enough, you are not strong enough, you are not pretty enough, you are not smart enough, you could never do that.

I have listened to that voice for 40+years now.  This Mini-Me has direct High-Speed access to highways and roadways in my brain.  

I wonder- Can I train her and tame her to drive along a different route?  Create different paths, roads, and highways for her to follow? Ones that will be more helpful, supportive and caring?   The Answer is YES.

When she rolls back into town telling me how fat and out of shape I am, can I stand my ground firmly, roll my eyes, turn my head and refuse to travel with her?  YES!  This ONE ACTION will allow those roads not to get used anymore.  I have the ability to shut them down.  CLOSE THEM FOR GOOD!

DETOUR: ROADS NOT PASS-ABLE

Take time to Show my Mini-Me new roads?  A New Direction? A Better Route?

• One that takes her to the Ocean where there is calm, relaxation and peace within myself.
• One that takes her to the Mountains where there is strength, confidence and hope.
• One that takes her to the Library where there is growth, learning, possibilities and opportunities.
• One that takes her to the Playground where there is fun, joy, movement and happiness
• One that takes her to a lake at sunrise where there is beauty, amazement, gratefulness and hope.
• One that takes her to a mirror where there is acceptance, appreciation, healing, and love

Creation of a map that supports my journey and purpose. Tame the Shrew and make her my friend and ally.