I am off to see the Wizard!

It felt like I was punched in the stomach.  I immediately felt a wave of nausea travel through me and land in my stomach.  My heart begins to beat hard and fast.  RUN, just RUN.  As far and as fast as your legs will take you. 

 I am a coward, I do not speak up.  Even at the cost of losing my soul, my spirit, my voice and my sense of self.  My self esteem being kicked...and plummeting lower day by day.  The sound of anger sends me deeper into myself, cowering in the corner of my heart.  Why don't I stand up?  Why cant I speak my mind? Why do I  have this overwhelming allergic, repulsive reaction to the sound of a raised voice?

I feel like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of OZ.  The outward appearance of strength, yet inward there is weakness, timid-ness and shame.  It is time to see the Wizard, my Wizard who is strong, confident and bold.  Take my trip down the Yellow Brick Road.  This road  that I know has places I need to pass and leave behind with my footsteps as distant memories that need to be forgiven and released.

I imagine a child releasing a balloon into the air, sad to watch it go and at the same time thrilled to see it travel higher and higher into the sky to a place wonderful and unknown.

This meandering yellow brick road I have to travel makes its way around a pond of pain, and moves through the forest of failures and over the mountains of mistakes.  I continue my journey through the many planted gardens of guilt and past the expansive sea of shame.

Finally  to make it to the home of the Wizard.  Who lives in the center of my heart, hidden behind a closed door.  It has been a long journey, and I will not turn back now.  I open the door to find  my own Maxine (My Maxi Me) standing strong and holding a bouquet of balloons.  She is my Wizard-ress patiently waiting to grant me my Courage.

 The courage to let go of all my balloons...It is with some anxiety and sadness that I let them go one by one, watching them drift slowly up and away.  Then, there is a sudden gust of wind and they all shoot off on different paths.  I smile at the sight, it looks like fireworks; bolts of colors traveling through the sky with destination unknown.

The Wizard has been here all along.  That sneaky Maxine!  I am thankful to have finally taken the trip to find her and help her find her voice, her spirit, her soul...HER SELF**


** Are you ready to find your Maxine?  If so please consider joining me at my Leap of Life Retreat...A Women's Wellness Weekend.  Located at Nurture Through Nature in Denmark Maine.  For details email me at annepoirier11@gmail.com

Finding Balance

Why does it take so long to gain an ounce of self-esteem, and such a short time to destroy it?  One word, one phrase, one criticism is all it takes sometimes to destroy a dream, shatter a passion, obliviate the success.

There has to be a better way.  It is similar to our weight.  It takes hard work, and time to lose weight safely, yet, it seems to take no time at all to gain it..

Balance...Finding balance in body and mind.  I have this bag of others comments, opinions, judgements that I carry with me every day.  The bag gets heavier and heavier, weighing me down.  I am getting tired of carrying it with me all the time.

I also have a beautiful box that I keep in a very special place at home.  It is hidden, for safe keeping.  It contains my successes...my accomplishments...the things I am proud of.  It also holds the compliments that I get here and there...sometimes daily.

You know the ones...the ones you get at work, out with friends, or even at the store.  We roll our eyes(I have that one down) we brush it off, ignore it.  Somehow we have trained ourselves so that we dont even hear it.  If we do happen to hear it, we push it away as if it doesnt exist, feeling as if they must have been talking to someone else.  That couldnt be me, I dont deserve that.

Why dont we decide to carry around our special boxes?  The one that contains pride, happiness, fullfillment, success....vs. the heavy bag that contains disturbing, disappointing and disruptive thoughts.  I do not know if I want to carry that anymore.  It is unwelcome, unwanted, unpleasant and unnessecary.

I am realizing that we have the control of what we decide to carry with us, and what we can decide to leave at home or throw away.

Lets all take a vacation!...a permanent one, and only bring that special box of good thoughts, supportive memories, confidence building successes.  Lets also bring our favorite clothes.  The ones that make you feel good about yourself.  They are comfortable on your body, and fit the way you like.

Lets let go of the heavy box. Unpack those unwanted criticisms, the judgements, the comparisons. Lightening our load, both physically and emotionally. Trying not to get caught up collecting that heavy stuff.  Simplify, release and let go.  Get the balance in your life back. Life is too short to always be so unsure, unsteady and off balance.