I am 12 years old wearing only a pair of underwear. My mother is making me stand in front of a mirror. I am mortified.
She asks me what I see...I roll my eyes, pinch the skin on my belly and say ,"I see fat and frumpy, Happy?"
She sees frail and fragile, hears my sarcasm and is frightened.
We are both looking at the same thing...my almost naked body, yet we see completely different things, have different emotions and think different thoughts
I am feeling awkward, angry, embarrassed and mixed up, while my mom is terrified and troubled. She has been watching me slowly disappear in front of her eyes. Unsure if where to turn next.
Anorexia Nervosa was the diagnosis. Virtually unknown to most 1975.
It took 3 years of counseling, a month in a hospital and lots of tears shed before the Poirier dinner table was not a war zone.
Food and exercise have been the coach and the quarterback throughout my life. Calories counted, exercise logged, scale down=worthy and happy, scale up=depressed and ugly.
It has been only over the last few years that I have finally accepted and appreciated what my body has done for me.
It can throw like a boy, it played college sports, fought fires, climbed and repelled off ferris wheels, competed in body building shows, run marathons, delivered 2 babies naturally and twins via c-section, climbed mountains and swam in oceans....
What is on your BODY ACCOMPLISHMENT LIST?
My body has done amazing things...why have I hated it so much and treated it so poorly? It is time for me to respect and love my body, JUST THE WAY IT IS! Perfect for me!
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A Valentines gift to yourself of time and a wish for you…
I see the apple on the table, I hear my stomach growl, I start to calculate as the numbers tick away in my head...60+80=140+50=190+10+120= ...
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ReplyDeleteLet me try this again...I, too, have struggled with my body image and my moods have fluctuated with the scale reading. One of the things I treasure most about getting older is Acceptance and Appreciation (2 A's) of my body and gratitude for the places it has taken me. I am truly lucky that my body responds to my passion for mountaineering and climbing - I push myself hard, but I also know when to let myself off the hook now, and to listen to messages my body sends me. I think that self image is a lifelong struggle, especially for women, and while I know that I slip from time to time, I am much kinder to myself than I used to be. Thank you for this post, Anne. You inspire me.
ReplyDeleteMy mother told me tonight that since I have turned 49 I have stopped accepting my age. With the hair coloring, the extreme exercising (She obviously does not see me workout) and the 2 mudmucker events I want to do that I am not acting my age. She thinks I will drop and my kids will need to pick me up. She means well (at least I'm pretty sure she does) but I believe I am embracing my age and my body. 2 years ago I had a herniated disc and thought I would walk with a cane for the rest of my life. I feel amazing now. Stronger, happier and saner. Thanks Annie for being at the beginning of this new journey with me. I look forward to new discoveries. Shit I'm only 49.
ReplyDeleteLaura and tracey, thank you both for sharing your words. Embracing who we are, and what our bodies can do is positive. Being kind and gentle with ourselves is essential. I am slowly learning(with the help of my husband and friends like you both). How important it is to accept and love me for me. Not think I have to look a certain way because society tells us so. Strength comes from within our heart and soul. Let's all sing loudly.
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