You make a difference

            I stand on my deck and throw a stone into the glass like water on the small pond outside my house.  There is an instant impact, a circular ripple that spreads outward towards the edges of the pond.  It reminds me of the impact that we have on those around us every day.  You never really know how your actions, big or small, impact the world and people around you.

o   The smile you share with someone on the street

o   A hug between you and a friend you haven’t seen in a while

o   The little extra you left the server in the tip at the restaurant

o   The morning walk you have been taking

o   The decision to sign up for that class

That smile that you shared with someone today?  It made their day.  That is what it took for them to realize that they mattered, that they were not invisible to the world.  They have been slowly losing their self-confidence over the past month…feeling unworthy and unloved.  It was the smile that you shared that gave them a boost. They went home feeling uplifted. Like life may be worth living after all and that feeling was spread to her little 3 year old daughter.

That hug that you gave to a friend today?  It was the first sense of warmth and kindness that they have felt in over a year. The physical touch of a hug made their blood start to flow warm again.  They have been feeling lonely, sad, and withdrawing from people lately.  .  Why was it today that you bumped into each other at the store?  It had been years since you last saw them.  It was YOUR strong, compassionate hug that was just what they needed to let them know someone cared.  

The little extra you left the server in the tip at the restaurant, It was only a couple extra dollars, the server seemed sad, that is all, and you just left not thinking anything of it.  Come to find out that server came home to a sick child and needed the extra money for a prescription that needed filling…making the extra money in the tip a much appreciated gesture

That new morning walk you have been taking? It has inspired the mom who lives across the street.  She hasn’t moved in years!  She has been watching and admiring you from the window, lace up your sneakers, smile, and stretch and move your body.  She admires your drive and dedication.  You had told her about your goal a couple months ago and asked her to join you.  She said she couldn’t ever do that, but now, because of you, she wants to set her own goal and move with you…

That Class that you debated on signing up for?After all that deliberation in your head, the voices telling you it would be too hard, or that you wouldn’t be able to do it, you decided to take the bull by the horns, bite the bullet…jump into your fear, and you did it. You successfully finished.  You are proud, and because of what you accomplished you have been the perfect model for your son, daughter, cousin, sister…Giving them all hope that anything is possible, even when they think it is not.

You make a bigger difference in this world than you may think.  The events and experiences of our lives are like ripples a stone makes in the water. They last long after the stone sinks to the bottom.  What kind of ripples have you made in your past, AND what kind of ripple will you make today?   

How to FEEL GOOD in Your Body

How often do you have a negative thought about your body?  

Is it first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror?  Stare at the clothes in your closet?  Step on the Scale?

It is no wonder that 97% of women have an “I hate my body” moment every single day…we have programmed ourselves!

We have, on average about 50,000 thoughts every single day, and research tells us that of these 50,000 thoughts, about 80% of them are negative!  AND on top of that as much as 90% of those are repeated day after day after day!  

So, with this knowledge, it is worth thinking about what it is you say to yourself about your body.  

Pause for a moment and think...What do you say to yourself when you first look in the mirror every morning?  

Is it easy to find a flaw with it right away?  Do you automatically bring judgment to the way you look first? 

Or, do you smile, say hello and take a moment to be grateful to have another day to experience this life and make more memories?

1 ONE of the quickest ways to begin to feel good in your body is to start every day being grateful for one thing about your body. It could be…

·      The unique color of your eyes

·      The strength of your legs

·      Your manicured fingernails

·      Your ability to hear the rain on the roof

·      The smoothness of your skin

·      The shape of your eyebrows

Anything counts here.  This can feel a little awkward at first, due to the fact that women are programmed not to look kindly towards themselves or their bodies in fear that others will think they are arrogant or narcissistic.

BUT, by starting the day noticing something that you like, or something you are grateful for about yourself, you set yourself up for noticing more beauty throughout the day ahead.  Just as if you started your day judging yourself, feeling shame, anger or frustration with your body, you set yourself up to be more judgmental of others as the day progresses.

Why not be a rebel! Begin your day by noticing the wonder of your body and all that it can do: hug, walk, watch a sunrise, listen to music, taste a piece of chocolate, sit in a Adirondack chair, stand to admire a piece of artwork, pick something up off the floor, swing on a swing or swim in the water.

By moving the focus away from what you cannot do and towards what you can do makes a big difference in the way you feel all day.  

2. Another way to feel good in your body is to wear clothes that fit and feel good on your body! 

So many women I know wake up every morning and stare into a closet of clothes that don’t fit, and from there they begin to go into an internal negative dialogue with themselves.  Feeling ashamed that they don’t look like they “should”, angry that they ate that second piece of pizza or didn’t get to the gym, frustrated that those pants from 5 years ago don’t fit anymore. 

I encourage you to clean out your closet and fill it with clothes that you feel good in, colors, fabrics and sizes that allow you to move and breathe. 

You have the ability to choose to start every morning looking at a closet of clothes that make you smile (setting you up to smile more during your day) VS looking at a closet day after day feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up or even full of shame and hatred of yourself. 

·      You can box some clothes up, bring them to a consignment shop, put them out of site or give them to a shelter for someone else who may need them, to enjoy.

Wearing clothes that feel comfortable on your body is a great way to take care of yourself, an important self-care technique that can also help decrease stress and increase happiness.

3.  Lastly, another way to help you feel good in your body is to let go of all sources of comparison. 

Comparison of friends, family, social media feeds, cultural & societal norms and even younger versions of yourself.  

Here is how…

·      Unsubscribe to social media feeds that make you feel “less than” or not “good enough”

·      Find feeds that make you feel empowered and confident in how you look, check out Shaping Perspectives!

o   Shaping Perspectives...A Woman's Way to Joy

·      Notice when you begin to compare yourself to others...You are the only you.  Only you have your unique genetics.  Comparing yourself to another is like comparing apples to oranges

o   Start to appreciate your unique genetic type, tall, short, narrow hips, wide hips, voluptuous torso, thick thighs, small feet (you get the idea)

Research tells us that comparing yourself to others will decrease your own self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and overall body image. 

Feeling comfortable and appreciating the body that you have today can decrease stress, increase joy and will lead to a life full of more confidence and happiness

How to Feel Comfortable in your own skin

9 C's to Feeling Comfortable in your own Skin

1.       Are you at war with your own body?
2.       Are you constantly comparing yourself to others or maybe to a version of your younger self?
3.       Do you judge or pick apart your body when you look at yourself in the mirror?
4.       Do you avoid doing things because you don’t want others to see you? 

If so, you are not alone.  Most women I have met throughout my life as a fitness professional and now as an Intuitive Eating coach have said yes to these questions...

I continue to see talented, engaging, smart, compassionate, funny, artistic, dedicated and passionate woman spend their day’s hating themselves when they find me.

Almost 100% of their thoughts every day are focused on things like…good foods and bad foods, what they have eaten or not eaten, what body part they hate, making excuses to go places, counting calories, looking up diets, thinking about their next eating episode, comparing themselves to others, how many calories they have burned, or not burned, how “bad” or “good” they have been, beating themselves up for their lack of “willpower” or the size of their thighs. 

These thoughts ride around and around on well-worn train tracks in their heads.

One of my first goals  is to help CREATE SPACE in their heads for more productive thoughts and activities, things like…

Singing, writing, creating, speaking, motivated, supporting, dancing, sharing, protesting, comforting, communicating, educating and more…

I want to help YOU start the journey to feeling comfortable in your own skin.  Guiding you to realize that you are so much more than a number on a scale or the size of your pants.  I want to encourage you to start appreciating and accepting your body.  

Here are 9 ways I support women JUST LIKE YOU find a path to take better care of yourself and it begins by believing that you are worth it.

-SELF-COMPASSION: Discovering, developing and strengthening a compassionate and kind inner voice that can validate pain, sooth suffering, ward off the mean inner voice and begin to befriend your whole self; body mind and spirit. 

-CHALLENGE you to question your current thoughts and beliefs with nonjudgmental CURIOSITY

o   Why do I think that way?
o   What made me feel that?
o   Why do I say that to myself?

-Give yourself permission to make CHOICES in regards to food, not based on any diet or on any set of rules. 

o   What to eat
o   When to eat
o   How much to eat

-Call upon COURAGE to make a CHANGE to your current thoughts and behaviors.  Our behaviors are linked to our current thoughts.  For example, when you step on a scale and a number pops up, what thoughts come up?  With those thoughts, what are the behaviors that follow?  Connecting the dots from the thought to the behavior creates a pause.  Within this pause change the thought. 

-Build CONFIDENCE through the COMPENTENCE of noticing the thoughts and pausing. By pausing we can question the thought, without judgment.  “Wow, I am such a failure, I might as well go to McDonalds, because it doesn’t matter anyway” to “Wow, that is interesting, why am I feeling like this? Why does a number on a scale provoke these feelings?   I know am doing the best I can right now.  Things have been hard.  I wonder what it is that I need?  Maybe I will take a walk” (take a bath, call a friend to vent, cry, journal etc) . Making a different decision will build more confidence, thus more competence, and so on….

  -Make CONNECTIONS with others who have had the same experiences, this creates validation and a realization that you are not alone.  Having someone to share thoughts and feelings with on your same journey can create a safe space to share.  We know that human connection has many benefits, decrease stress, anxiety, comparison and judgment, increase safety, OK-ness and a sense of well-being.

So when you are ready…

·         Start with some Self-Compassion
·         Be Curious
·         Make Choices
·         Challenge thoughts and Behaviors
·         Have Courage to create Change
·         Gain Confidence and Competence
·         Make Connections

Your body is your home, it is here within your own skin where you can find comfort, and contentment.   

Click here to check us out and grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

Wanted: Aerobics Instructor

A few years back...(a few too many to say) Group Exercise Instructors of today were called Aerobics Instructors.  The days of Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons.  Yes, I am that old...

"What type of classes can you teach?" I ask
"I can teach anything" she says...
"Oh...OK, here is the stereo..."

She came in to demo for an aerobics instructor position at the gym I was working at as the "Aerobics Director".  Little did I know, this day would have a tremendous impact on me...

Full of confidence,  a sense of street smarts, and a powerful presence, Michelle walked in.  I was instantly struck by her positive sense of self.  It vibrated off of her.

Up until that day, I had never met anyone who was so sure of herself.  I was a bit taken back...apprehensive...nervous...unsure  

Even with my apprehension, there was no denying that her "Demo" (interview) for the position was great.  I hired her on the spot, knowing that she would be a great addition to our team and excited that she would add more strength to our schedule. She was passionate, dedicated and driven.  All qualities I respected and admired.

Michelle taught me over the years that we worked together about tact, about being Ok with standing up for yourself, being OK to admit when your wrong, and being OK to stick by a decision you believe to be right.  To realize that 2 people can think differently and both be "right" and on the same page.

We grew to have mutual respect and genuine like and friendship for each other. I love the way our relationship evolved...like no other I have had...

I am thankful that Michelle came into the gym that day...having moved into NH from MA..(thank you Massachusetts!) Thankful for the lessons and wisdom...

I now watch the amazing paths her boys have taken following their own passions...just like mom...with 100% of her support.

I send YOU MICHELLE, lots of love, admiration and respect.  Thank you for being you and coming into my life.  Because of you, I am stronger...

The Taming of the Shrew (Mini-Me)

Isn't that the name of a Shakespeare Play?  As I thought of it, my first thoughts went to my Mini-Me.  I do realize there is a different connotation within the play, yet there is relevance in the words when I think about my own destructive Mini-Me. 

My Mini-Me has created and intricate series of roadways in my brain.  She is the BEST at telling me that I am not "good enough".  What I hear when she says that is this: You are not thin enough, you are not strong enough, you are not pretty enough, you are not smart enough, you could never do that.

I have listened to that voice for 40+years now.  This Mini-Me has direct High-Speed access to highways and roadways in my brain.  

I wonder- Can I train her and tame her to drive along a different route?  Create different paths, roads, and highways for her to follow? Ones that will be more helpful, supportive and caring?   The Answer is YES.

When she rolls back into town telling me how fat and out of shape I am, can I stand my ground firmly, roll my eyes, turn my head and refuse to travel with her?  YES!  This ONE ACTION will allow those roads not to get used anymore.  I have the ability to shut them down.  CLOSE THEM FOR GOOD!

DETOUR: ROADS NOT PASS-ABLE

Take time to Show my Mini-Me new roads?  A New Direction? A Better Route?

• One that takes her to the Ocean where there is calm, relaxation and peace within myself.
• One that takes her to the Mountains where there is strength, confidence and hope.
• One that takes her to the Library where there is growth, learning, possibilities and opportunities.
• One that takes her to the Playground where there is fun, joy, movement and happiness
• One that takes her to a lake at sunrise where there is beauty, amazement, gratefulness and hope.
• One that takes her to a mirror where there is acceptance, appreciation, healing, and love

Creation of a map that supports my journey and purpose. Tame the Shrew and make her my friend and ally.

Finding Balance

Why does it take so long to gain an ounce of self-esteem, and such a short time to destroy it?  One word, one phrase, one criticism is all it takes sometimes to destroy a dream, shatter a passion, obliviate the success.

There has to be a better way.  It is similar to our weight.  It takes hard work, and time to lose weight safely, yet, it seems to take no time at all to gain it..

Balance...Finding balance in body and mind.  I have this bag of others comments, opinions, judgements that I carry with me every day.  The bag gets heavier and heavier, weighing me down.  I am getting tired of carrying it with me all the time.

I also have a beautiful box that I keep in a very special place at home.  It is hidden, for safe keeping.  It contains my successes...my accomplishments...the things I am proud of.  It also holds the compliments that I get here and there...sometimes daily.

You know the ones...the ones you get at work, out with friends, or even at the store.  We roll our eyes(I have that one down) we brush it off, ignore it.  Somehow we have trained ourselves so that we dont even hear it.  If we do happen to hear it, we push it away as if it doesnt exist, feeling as if they must have been talking to someone else.  That couldnt be me, I dont deserve that.

Why dont we decide to carry around our special boxes?  The one that contains pride, happiness, fullfillment, success....vs. the heavy bag that contains disturbing, disappointing and disruptive thoughts.  I do not know if I want to carry that anymore.  It is unwelcome, unwanted, unpleasant and unnessecary.

I am realizing that we have the control of what we decide to carry with us, and what we can decide to leave at home or throw away.

Lets all take a vacation!...a permanent one, and only bring that special box of good thoughts, supportive memories, confidence building successes.  Lets also bring our favorite clothes.  The ones that make you feel good about yourself.  They are comfortable on your body, and fit the way you like.

Lets let go of the heavy box. Unpack those unwanted criticisms, the judgements, the comparisons. Lightening our load, both physically and emotionally. Trying not to get caught up collecting that heavy stuff.  Simplify, release and let go.  Get the balance in your life back. Life is too short to always be so unsure, unsteady and off balance.