Release-o-lutions!

The New Year is upon us, and the tradition of a New Year’s Resolution looms over your head. What was it last year? The year before that? How long did it last? Do you even remember what it was? 

“I should be more…I should do more…I will always…I will never…”

Do any of those sound familiar?

This year, how about trying something different? We are talking about the concept of releasing…releasing things like..

• Letting go of your inner mean critic (negative self talk)
• The quest for perfection
• The relentless quest to “fit in”
• Regrets
• Resentments
• Energy-sucking people
• And others…I am sure you can think of some more.  

1.  Letting go of our inner critic (negative self-talk)

That persistent inner mean girl pounces on you every chance she gets, whether it is something you said, something you did, or a sideways glance in a mirror.

She is always there ready and waiting for any opportunity she gets to let you know just how not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, and not thin enough you are. This inner mean girl voice has a rough tone; she is harsh and degrading.

This year how about releasing this mean inner voice and replacing it with one that is more kind, caring and compassionate?

A. LISTEN AND ACKNOWLEDGE HER WHEN SHE APPEARS. 

You must notice her presence before you can change it. Listen with a new-perspective “Hmmmm…what is she trying to say? Why is she being so mean? Why is she so angry with me? Why is she talking so loudly?”

B. QUESTION HER…WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, IN A KINDER AND SOFTER VOICE.

“That is really interesting you feel that way. Really? Is that a fact? Am I really?”

C. CHANGE THE VOICE AND THE WORDS. 

Try something like, “I’m doing the best I can, I’m taking better care of myself every day, I am human, Thanks for sharing, your words are hurtful and not helpful, no thank you.”

Check out a simple tool we use at Shaping Perspectives called Self Talk.  Click here for a free 30-day trial to strengthening an ali for yourself to replace your inner critic. 

2. Releasing the Quest for Perfection

Many of us have the internal drive to be perfect…but where in the handbook of life did it say that on the day you were born, you were to be perfect? And what does being perfect look like anyway?   Isn’t it within your challenges, mistakes and experiences that you grow, learn and change?

Your imperfections are exactly what make you unique. It is what draws others towards you. 

It is this uniqueness that you can find deeper connections with others. It is where you find out that you are not alone, that others share your pain. It is here where you can help and understand others by sharing your stories and experiences. 

This quest for perfection only helps to enlist that inner mean girl to speak up and rear her head. 

This year, begin to release this desire for perfection by realizing it is within your imperfections that make you human. You are who you are because of your imperfections. 

3. Release the Desire to Fit In

Have you ever pretended to agree with someone? Lied about what you liked to eat? Bought clothes you didn’t even like just to fit in? 

I remember it well, wanting to be liked, wanting to be accepted by the other girls. This is not just something that just kids and teenagers do, it’s something that’s carried into adulthood. 

Even today, I notice myself agreeing with someone, so that they will see me.   What’s that all about? Changing and molding our thoughts, actions and beliefs, just so that we would be liked, fit it, be part of the “in crowd”.

You are not alone, we have a natural need and desire to belong.

Researcher Brené Brown would say that there is a true difference though, between belonging and fitting in.

In an article Brown wrote for Oprah, she describes the difference between the two:

• “Fitting in is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them.”
• “Belonging is something else entirely – it’s showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are.”

So many of us spend our lives trying to fit in, to be like others…to be perfect. 

This is the year of belonging to a group of people who like you because of you, because of your imperfections, because of your talents, your traits, your ideas, your thoughts and your beliefs.

As a recap of the above…This year let the real you be seen, release the quest for perfection and fitting in and replace the inner mean girl with a kinder, more compassionate friend with whom you BELONG.

4.Releasing Regret and Resentment  

As our lives go forward, we tend to look back and wish we had a do-over, where we would change or alter something we had done in the past.  

·      Regret not telling someone how much they meant to us

·      Regret not telling someone how much you appreciated them 

·      Wished you had realized how special they were

·      Wished you hadn’t treated someone so poorly 

Or maybe you regret making a decision that would have moved your life in a different direction

·      Bought a house, or didn’t buy a house

·      Accepted a job or didn’t accept a job 

·      Married a person or didn’t marry them

·      Said Yes, instead of No (or the other way around)

Holding onto these regrets holds you hostage to the past.  It hurts no one, but you.  This year, release the regret, let go of the “what if” and let yourself off the hook.  Think about what you learned from the decisions that you made.  

Replace the “Should have or Wish I” with “glad I know now”.  

Very similarly, a resentment can hold you hostage as well.The bitterness and anger you hold onto for someone else.  For something they did or didn’t do, for how they treated you, for the pain and hurt they caused you.  This is pain, bitterness and anger are real. 

Ask yourself these questions:  Does this anger feel stressful or peaceful?   How is it affecting you?  How much energy do you spend thinking about it. 

Now, ask yourself this:  What is it doing to the person you are angry at? How is it affecting them?  Do they even care? 

In many cases these resentments affect you much more than they affect the other person.  I am not saying here that their actions, behaviors or words are not wrong. However, you are giving them our power, energy and time.    Holding on to these feelings and emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression. 

Here is a releasing activity to try: 

Write down on a piece of paper what, who or why you are holding onto this resentment and anger.  Write it all out, don’t hold anything back.  Tell them how you feel, why you feel the way you do, how it has affected you and your life. You may find yourself yelling, crying or swearing, know that is normal.  After you feel it is all out, grab a match and bring your writing to a body of water (a river, stream, the ocean) light the match and set the writing on fire.  Send the ashes into the water…letting it go.  No water?  Fire up your paper shredder or just use your hands and rip it to shreds.  Destroy and release it.

This process can be hard and painful, it may even take a few rounds of writing and burning.  As you release the anger and resentment you take back your power, your energy and your time. Find your strength to release the feelings of resentment that take up space, so that you create open space for something better.

5..  Let go of Energy Sucking Relationships

We all have so many people in our lives, some we LOVE to be around, they give us energy, support, joy and encourage us. Spending time with them is easy and good for your soul. These relationships are Energy Giving.

There are also some other people in our life, who they tend to suck all the energy out of us, drain us, we don’t enjoy being around them. 

So why is it we continue to put ourselves in these situations? Continue to spend time with people who we don’t really even enjoy being around?

Awareness of the two types of relationships is the first step. Realizing that a relationship brings you down, decreases your self-worth or self-esteem, makes you sad, angry or depressed creates an opportunity for change. 

We realize that some of these relationships are not your choice, however, are you able to minimize the time you spend in this relationship?  Even if it is just by a little bit?  Or set a limit on time spent?  It can make a big a difference.

When you know you are heading into spending time with one of these energy sucking people, (the annual summer family reunion for example) do you to bring yourself down in anticipation? Feel yourself dreading the encounter, and in-turn creating your own energy sucking aura?

What if next time you bring your energy giving self to this interaction? Maybe your energy will rub off (the mirror neuron effect: brain neurons that mirror others behavior) …or maybe it won’t, at least you enter the event with a little extra supportive energy on your side.  

Maybe this year it is time to think twice about how much time you really NEED to be a part of these relationships. 

Imagine a teeter totter for a minute. If on one side you stacked up all the Energy Givers (supportive and caring people) of your life and on the other side all the Energy Suckers, what would happen?   Which side would fall to the ground? 

My challenge to you for the next year is to increase the time you spend with your Energy Givers, and decrease the time you spend with your Energy Suckers…

Remember those bricks you were holding at the beginning of this blog?  It is time to let them go, release them, drop them.  Let go of as many bricks that you can.  It is the year to lighten your load. 

This year you have permission to release: 

·      your inner mean girl and negative self talk

·      that quest for perfection 

·      fitting in

·      regrets and resentments, 

·      energy sucking relationships 

AS well as…a number on a scale, a pant size, or the list of “Shoulds” sitting in your brain.  

What are you going to release and let go of in 2019?       

If you would like any support as you think about your release-o-lutions, 

Click hereto sign up for an Embrace You session to get started! 

How to not only survive but to Thrive with PCOS

A beautiful woman with long dark hair and a 10-month old in tow, sat in front of me asking me with tears in her eyes, to help her lose weight.  “I can’t take it anymore! My anxiety is at an all-time high and I am just getting more and more depressed every day.”  she sobbed.  So, as a health and fitness professional, that is what I tried to do.  I put together an individualized program for her and we started working.  

We tried everything, she was game for anything I asked of her.  All she wanted was to be “thin” again.  She was miserable, confused, anxious and disappointed and I was frustrated, I was running out of ideas to help her.   Month after month, we worked together, with no real results.  She was still finding it harder and harder to function.   She was sleep deprived, panicky and stressed out all the time.   I needed to find something to help her deal with her anxiety and stress.  

It was then, that I asked her to visit her doctor and get a full panel of blood tests done.  I was thinking something was going on with her thyroid.  The results revealed a lot, her hormonal markers such as… FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) and androgens to name a few…were way off the normal mark… Her diagnosis? PCOS. (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome)

She suffered with the following symptoms:

·     Irregular and painful menstruation

·     Weight gain 

·     Anxiety and worry

·     Increase stress and depression

·     Insulin resistance 

·     Difficulty losing weight

·     Acne

·     Increased hair growth on face and body (which included a daily ritual of plucking offensive hairs on her face and neck) 

Now, knowing that she had PCOS, I began to look for ways to help, because the only advice she was receiving from her own physician, was to limit her carbs, cut out all sugar, exercise more and LOSE WEIGHT… we had already been there and tried that!

I began to research and further my own education on PCOS, stress and anxiety, disordered eating, and body image, because I saw first-hand the amount of stress, pressure and poor self-esteem she was experiencing.  These symptoms had to do with much more than just her weight. In order to attack her diagnosis and symptoms from all angles, I became a Certified Intuitive Eating Coach, Yoga Nidra and meditation guide, self-care, self-talk and body image specialist.  I knew we had to begin this journey by lowering her stress and anxiety before anything else. 

It was from my own research, education and one on one experience that led me to develop a comprehensive program to specifically address her symptoms…A 5-part program that was not geared toward weight loss, as her physicians continued to recommend to her, but one focused on stress, balance, function and joy. This is how...

This Finally!  Free, Fit and Fabulous program works for women suffering from PCOS, as well as others struggling with weight, anxiety, stress, food or body image issues.

1.     Intuitive and Supportive Eating vs. Calorie Restriction

Diets don’t work. In 1997, Dr. Wayne Wescott wrote about how 95% of dieters regain the weight they lost…Diets, and calorie restriction is not an effective way to lose weight in the long run. Learning the process of trusting the bodies internal hunger and fullness cues and other intuitive eating principles has proven to help people land at a weight that is sustainable and healthy for their bodies.  So, this client began listening to what foods gave her energy, foods that digested easily in her system, foods that she LIKED.  Eating soon became pleasurable instead of stressful and anxiety provoking for her.

2.     Move, Play and Exercise with more JOY! Vs. Traditional Exercise Routines

Disconnecting Exercise with weight loss, calorie burning or changes in body shape is the first step to how moving the body (like we did naturally as children) actually feels.  By taking away the “Have to”, the “Should do” and the “Need to” from your exercise program, you begin to release the anxiety that comes from not doing it “right” and you can start to find more enjoyment in just moving. When you find a way to move that you connect with and enjoy, it becomes a WANT TO, which means less stress that surrounds the idea of exercise. When you want to do something, you do it without guilt, without shame, without coercing…it becomes sustainable and ENJOYABLE! Begin trying some new things...maybe Tai Chi, walking with friends or dogs and dancing.    

3.     Self-Care to Stress-Less

Implementing Self Care is essential in this journey of living with more joy and less anxiety.  There is a tendency to think that taking time for yourself is selfish.  What I would like you to consider is this: the more you think about putting others first, not being “good enough” or trying to change yourself (through diet and exercise) you increase your stress levels.  The more stress you endure both physically (diet/exercise) and emotionally (anxiety, worry, shame, guilt) the higher the levels of cortisol you release.  Cortisol signals the body to hold onto weight and it increases anxiety, irritability and depression.  Finding time for you, through self-care to lower stress will decrease your cortisol and evens out other your other hormone levels.  It is essential to find time to read, pause, journal and meet friends for coffee, and notice if your stress and anxiety begin to lower.

4.     Implementing Positive Self Talk instead of harsh self-criticism 

We all live with an inner critic.  I call mine my “mini-me” and she pops out whenever I am feeling “less than”.  Our internal thoughts and mindset effects everything we do.  The women I meet think about weight, lack of willpower, what they could and couldn’t eat, what they could or couldn’t wear and how much of a failure they feel like. (the mini-me talking).  All of this negative self-talk only increases panic attacks and heightens  anxiety levels.  Through finding a new positive inner voice (your “maxi-me”) You will begin to tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving of self-love, self-compassion and self-confidence and because of this switch, you will also find yourself taking risks and empowering others to as well.  

5.     “Body AA”. Acceptance and Appreciation of the here and now body VS. Body hatred and body shame.

Implementing appreciation and acceptance of your “today’s” body is one that takes time and patience.  It is especially important for women suffering from PCOS.  This development and growth includes practicing and strengthening your Maxi Me voice with self-compassion and self-kindness AND implementing a regular practice of recognizing and owning your individual bodies strengths and talents. YOU ARE so much more than the size and shape of your body.  As you begin to accept yourself as you are, you are able to embark on your journey of sharing you own unique gifts and passions with those around her.  

By incorporating these 5-steps, my clients (and you) will be able to accept and embrace your PCOS symptoms, so that they become much more manageable.  Not only has will you survive you will thrive.  You will find yourself happier while significantly reducing your stress and anxiety, and have the skills and tools to handle it when it shows up in your life. 

Click here to learn more about our services at Shaping Perspectives.