Shaping Your Perspective on Change

Shaping your Perspective on Change

I am ready…Things are not as they appear. Change is in the fall air again in my life and I find myself pausing…

I am determined to accept this change for what it is.  Knowing in my heart it is time to re-group and re-focus.  To roll with this change by understanding and feeling the emotions and noticing the thoughts and the feelings that go along with it, without judgement. 

I have not always handled change very well... 

My whole life has been wrapped up in the physical.  Gym was my favorite class in elementary school it was a place where I was comfortable and successful…for a while anyway…

But, as I moved from elementary school to high school though I encountered others who were much more skilled than I, and was forced into a “uniform” where my identity was thrown.  I now hated gym.  Hated my body, and was no longer comfortable in the only place where I felt confident.  A harsh change in my identity.  Who was I?  

It was here when I decided to take control of the one thing I knew how to...my body.  I would diet, exercise and isolate from others. I found control and comfort in my rules and rituals…Diet and exercise became my “go to” behavior.  I became very good at it too and because of this, I studied and spent over 30 years in what I thought was my life’s purpose; group exercise and fitness training. 

Change was in the fall air 2 years ago, when I decided to shift my vision, and I moved into a new amazing career working with women who struggle with their relationship with food, mind and/or body.  I thought I had found my dream job (as Program Director) at Green Mountain at Fox Run, only to realize…It was just a chapter in my story…

So here I am again, in the fall season, as the leaves turn bright red and orange, moving into a change in my life, moving into a new chapter.  

I am venturing into the arena of self-employment.  Counting on myself, and sharing my story.

From all the lessons I have learned, I am realizing that life is to be lived from the heart.  Passions are to be pursued, happiness is to be had.  Impact is to be made, knowledge is to be shared.   I no longer care about the outcome, I care about discovering, about new beginnings, about learning, even if I fail.  I am excited to try.

Enter this chapter, the one where our company Shaping Perspectives…A Woman’s Way to Joy! Has been formed. This is a place where there is support, care, knowledge, experience and coaching of women who are tired of fighting the war on weight, food and body.  If you would like to learn more or want to make a change, please check us out on our Facebook page or join us at one of our Women's Wellness Weekends...

I believe we move through life in a distinct order, at a precise time.  The people in our paths help support and guide us, and there are people who appear in our lives who we help and guide as well.  I recognize the changes I have made, the lessons I have learned and I feel love for my present chapter. 

Changes are a way of life, I wish you a smooth transition into your season of change.

Click here to pick up your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

Running to or away?

I looked at the clock...3:11am, great, a whole 8 minutes after I looked the last time.  I climbed out of bed and pulled on my sweat pants, running bra, three layers on top.  I take the walk up the cold wooden stairs, lace up my sneakers and head out the door.  At this point it is automatic.   I am glad it is early, my schedule says 7 miles, I will be able to run longer though....maybe 9 before I have to get to work to teach the boot camp class at 6am.

Running has become my best friend.  I devour books, magazines, training logs.  I am engulfed with the discipline.  I am dedicated, driven, obsessed and addicted.  The feeling is all too familiar.  How did I get here?  Flashbacks of my anorexia years haunt me.  Am I running away from myself? Or am I running to find myself... I knew I needed help.

I was standing in the kitchen with my oldest daughter.  After a semester of tears, depression and anxiety, we had taken her out of high school. Remove her from the atmosphere that was slowly destroying her and taking her spirit.   There it was, the voice, the tone, the terror.  I had heard it many times.  Making me feel sick to my stomach and making me want to disappear.  Only this time it was not directed at me.  It was directed at her.

That was the moment. Fish or cut bait...I filed for divorce the following day.

Scared, frightened, disappointed, ashamed, guilty...out the door I would go, running again...using it to escape.  Masking my emotions, my anger, my hurt.  Day after day...mile after mile...

I was drinking to help me sleep.  Weight was falling off me.  This is awesome I am thinking to myself.   Isn't that what we all want? To be skinnier?  Co-workers and friends expressed thier concern.  I just thought they were jealous because I was thin now...so proud of myself.

3 miles turned into 6-8-10.  My body always in pain.  A glass of wine, or 2 or 3.   There.  Now I feel better.  I close my eyes...sleep,  ahhh...finally.

Day after day, week after week, month after month.  More and more exersice.  I was lost.  I was depressed.  My daughters needed thier mother back.

Asking for help takes courage and strength.  It is not a sign of weakness.  With the love and support of friends, I began to find my way back to myself.  I asked for help.

When you find yourself in a hole,  that either you can't get out of, or maybe dont want to get out of, find the strength to ask for help.  This life is to be lived with joy, purpose, passion and love.  We all have our own unique talents and experiences to bring to each other.  Let your friends and family be blessed with all of you.  Pull yourself out of the hole.  There is always someone who will be willing throw you a rope, but they can't pull you out unless you are ready.

The strength is within all of us...ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find...