You make a difference

            I stand on my deck and throw a stone into the glass like water on the small pond outside my house.  There is an instant impact, a circular ripple that spreads outward towards the edges of the pond.  It reminds me of the impact that we have on those around us every day.  You never really know how your actions, big or small, impact the world and people around you.

o   The smile you share with someone on the street

o   A hug between you and a friend you haven’t seen in a while

o   The little extra you left the server in the tip at the restaurant

o   The morning walk you have been taking

o   The decision to sign up for that class

That smile that you shared with someone today?  It made their day.  That is what it took for them to realize that they mattered, that they were not invisible to the world.  They have been slowly losing their self-confidence over the past month…feeling unworthy and unloved.  It was the smile that you shared that gave them a boost. They went home feeling uplifted. Like life may be worth living after all and that feeling was spread to her little 3 year old daughter.

That hug that you gave to a friend today?  It was the first sense of warmth and kindness that they have felt in over a year. The physical touch of a hug made their blood start to flow warm again.  They have been feeling lonely, sad, and withdrawing from people lately.  .  Why was it today that you bumped into each other at the store?  It had been years since you last saw them.  It was YOUR strong, compassionate hug that was just what they needed to let them know someone cared.  

The little extra you left the server in the tip at the restaurant, It was only a couple extra dollars, the server seemed sad, that is all, and you just left not thinking anything of it.  Come to find out that server came home to a sick child and needed the extra money for a prescription that needed filling…making the extra money in the tip a much appreciated gesture

That new morning walk you have been taking? It has inspired the mom who lives across the street.  She hasn’t moved in years!  She has been watching and admiring you from the window, lace up your sneakers, smile, and stretch and move your body.  She admires your drive and dedication.  You had told her about your goal a couple months ago and asked her to join you.  She said she couldn’t ever do that, but now, because of you, she wants to set her own goal and move with you…

That Class that you debated on signing up for?After all that deliberation in your head, the voices telling you it would be too hard, or that you wouldn’t be able to do it, you decided to take the bull by the horns, bite the bullet…jump into your fear, and you did it. You successfully finished.  You are proud, and because of what you accomplished you have been the perfect model for your son, daughter, cousin, sister…Giving them all hope that anything is possible, even when they think it is not.

You make a bigger difference in this world than you may think.  The events and experiences of our lives are like ripples a stone makes in the water. They last long after the stone sinks to the bottom.  What kind of ripples have you made in your past, AND what kind of ripple will you make today?   

How to Eat Ice Cream Without any Guilt this Summer

Eating Ice cream without guilt only took me 40 years to master.  I hope this will cut down any guilt on your part as you sit and enjoy the ice cream that is in your freezer or from your favorite ice cream shop this summer.  I needed to discover 5 simple steps that would ensure both the enjoyment and satisfaction of my summer ice cream, with NO GUILT OR SHAME.

Imagine a long day at work, your boss is on your case, your computer is possessed, that problem continues to rear its ugly head, and you get stuck in traffic on the way home, even when you took the short cut!

All you want to do is go home, sit in front of the TV with your carton of ice cream (you may have purchased on your way home), and zone out….because at least you deserve that! You continue to feel frustrated and are now obsessed with the thoughts of ice cream.

Fast forward, 30 minutes, WHAM, you are sitting on the couch, staring at an empty carton filled with shame, guilt, anger and disbelief.  You can’t even remember eating it.  The feeling in your stomach is all too familiar.  

THEN COMES THIS:  Your inner critic, that inner mean girl voice (I call her my mini-me) 

She begins her assault on you…

“I can’t believe you did this again!”

“You are so stupid”

“You have NO willpower”

“You can’t do anything right”

“You will never lose weight!”

“You are such a failure”

The first step, when you notice this all too familiar voice is to STOP, this assault is not doing anything productive, other than increase stress and decrease your self-esteem.  This is where to insert the 5 steps.  Yes, 5 steps that focus on finding a way to eating ice cream that feels and tastes good…period.

Let’s rewind and look at another scenario…

Picture this: As soon as you get to work, your boss is on your case, your computer is possessed, that problem continues to rear its ugly head, and you got stuck in traffic on the way home, while taking the short cut.

You can feel your stress level rising as the day progresses.  Thoughts of ice cream bombard your head. Your chest and shoulders are tight, your head is pounding and your stomach is in knots…Ice cream…”I want ICE CREAM!” your inner child screams! 

Here is when you PAUSE…

11.    You close your eyes and take a slow deep breath in and let it out.  You do it again and count to 5 as you inhale, pause and exhale slowly and count to 5 again.

22.  You keep your eyes closed and picture yourself on a beach, or swinging on a swing, or taking in the view at the top of a mountain, or sitting on a rock by a babbling brook.  Your body begins to relax as you visualize this scene. You notice calm and peace flow over your body. 

33. Your eyes open and ask yourself “What do I need?” knowing that the ice cream is right there, a short drive away, or in your freezer.  AND it will STILL BE THERE in 5 minutes

. 

44.  You pause, take another deep breath and think…then ask the question again.  What is it I need?  Am I Bored? Angry? Lonely? Frustrated?  Hungry?  What might sooth this emotion other than the ice cream?  

·     A hot shower?

·     Paint your nails?

·     Call a friend?

·     Take a walk?

·     Journal your thoughts?

·     Listen to your favorite pod cast?

·     Dance around the room to your favorite song?

       Do any of these things sound appealing?  

If SO, then PICK ONE, and when you are done, you THEN ASK THE QUESTION: Do I still want Ice cream?  If the answer is yes, go ahead and move to step 5

IF NOT, take another deep breath.  Notice if you are hungry.  And then Give yourself full permission to have a bowl of ice cream….proceed to step 5

55. The eating of the ice cream!!! Find the prettiest bowl you can, and scoop yourself out some ice cream, you then sit down, light a candle, relax and enjoy. Slowly and simply, savoring every bite, moment to moment (mindfully). An act of mindfulness.  Being in the present moment. 

A smile crosses your face as you realize you just ate ice cream mindfully and fully present.  Something you have never been able to do before and…if you have truly given yourself permission, release any feelings of shame or guilt either, they are not helpful here. 

There is a time and space for ice cream in all our lives.  Release yourself from the inner critic, maybe invite her down to share some ice cream with you next time.