A Letter to my Thighs...

I look at the mirror at my thighs. The mini-me inside my head begins her assault; “I hate you, you are so big, why aren’t you thinner? And these pants look horrible!” 

This harsh criticism and judgment is all too familiar.

I stop, pause and take a breath. In this moment I ask this question; what have my thighs ever done to me to cause me to hate them so much?  

They hear my question and respond:

Dear Annie,

That is a good question, why do you hate us so? All we have ever done for you is support you, yet you continue to treat us poorly, call us fat, pinch us and degrade us. We feel a punching bag, Brocken down and bruised.  We don’t understand.

We have loved being strong and stable for you. As a matter of fact over the years we have:

• Played on sports teams
• Carried 4 babies to term
• Climbed numerous trees and mountains
• Jumped lots of waves at the beach
• Ran, skipped and jumped across fields and parking lots
• Helped carry your mom when she broke her hip
• Shopped, cooked and cleaned for your family
• Stood and cheered for your daughters at their games, concerts and plays.

We have loved helping you live your life. 

We would appreciate it if you did not criticize us for what we look like. We always work hard for you and do our best. We want to be appreciated and accepted by you. Your respect is important to us. Can we please be friends?

We just wanted you to know,  

Your stable and grounded thighs

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I am enlightened….

I have relied on this body to live my life. My thighs and my body that I’ve hated for so long, have done so much for me.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you bash your body every chance you get? Join me in taking some steps to move from hating this body we were given to appreciating it.

It is time to begin to befriend our bodies, show it compassion and kindness… I’ve taken the first step by listening to my thighs.

7 Steps to Becoming Friends With Our Bodies

1. Write one thing that your body has done for you to begin to build this friendship.
2. Build this into a BODY ACCOMPLISHMENT LIST. List ALL of the things your body has done for you. This can include things like hugging a friend, sharing a smile or shivering to keep you warm.
3. Next write a list of what your body CAN do for you today. Place your attentions on the can do's instead of the can't do's. 
4. Pause, take a breath and become aware of your own judgments of yourself, when these thoughts come into your brain, begin to find some kindness with your words.
5. Be mindful of social comparisons and judgments...these will leave you feeling "not good enough"
6. After reflecting on all of the things your body does and can do for you, write a letter to your body or a specific body part that you dislike...AND then write a responds from your body (or body part)
7. Don't spend any more time playing the WHEN I....(lose the weight)...THEN I (will go on that trip) GAME.  Live your life today.  Don't wait any longer

I write an apology...

Dear Thighs,

I cannot believe how horribly I have treated you all these years, after all you have done and continue to do for me. You have enabled me to experience some of my greatest memories… winning a soccer championship, climb trees,  walking down the aisle at my wedding, and rocking my babies to sleep…

You have always grounded me, helped me up when I have fallen and stayed strong. I have hated you merely because you didn’t look a certain way. I am so very sorry. I now realize how much I have come to rely and depend on you to live my life, and I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, so strong, sturdy, dependable and sustainable. 

I appreciate you, and am looking forward to the years to come.  

With Gratitude,

Annie

What is your purpose?

"Why do you do what you do?"  she asked...

I took a deep breath...my eyes started to leak...

"Because I don't want other women to waste the time, energy, and their self respect, self-esteem and self confidence that I did" I say.  Over 40 years of dieting, depression, anxiety, addiction, and continued criticism of self...

This video is to remind me of why I do what I do.

How to FEEL GOOD in Your Body

How often do you have a negative thought about your body?  

Is it first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror?  Stare at the clothes in your closet?  Step on the Scale?

It is no wonder that 97% of women have an “I hate my body” moment every single day…we have programmed ourselves!

We have, on average about 50,000 thoughts every single day, and research tells us that of these 50,000 thoughts, about 80% of them are negative!  AND on top of that as much as 90% of those are repeated day after day after day!  

So, with this knowledge, it is worth thinking about what it is you say to yourself about your body.  

Pause for a moment and think...What do you say to yourself when you first look in the mirror every morning?  

Is it easy to find a flaw with it right away?  Do you automatically bring judgment to the way you look first? 

Or, do you smile, say hello and take a moment to be grateful to have another day to experience this life and make more memories?

1 ONE of the quickest ways to begin to feel good in your body is to start every day being grateful for one thing about your body. It could be…

·      The unique color of your eyes

·      The strength of your legs

·      Your manicured fingernails

·      Your ability to hear the rain on the roof

·      The smoothness of your skin

·      The shape of your eyebrows

Anything counts here.  This can feel a little awkward at first, due to the fact that women are programmed not to look kindly towards themselves or their bodies in fear that others will think they are arrogant or narcissistic.

BUT, by starting the day noticing something that you like, or something you are grateful for about yourself, you set yourself up for noticing more beauty throughout the day ahead.  Just as if you started your day judging yourself, feeling shame, anger or frustration with your body, you set yourself up to be more judgmental of others as the day progresses.

Why not be a rebel! Begin your day by noticing the wonder of your body and all that it can do: hug, walk, watch a sunrise, listen to music, taste a piece of chocolate, sit in a Adirondack chair, stand to admire a piece of artwork, pick something up off the floor, swing on a swing or swim in the water.

By moving the focus away from what you cannot do and towards what you can do makes a big difference in the way you feel all day.  

2. Another way to feel good in your body is to wear clothes that fit and feel good on your body! 

So many women I know wake up every morning and stare into a closet of clothes that don’t fit, and from there they begin to go into an internal negative dialogue with themselves.  Feeling ashamed that they don’t look like they “should”, angry that they ate that second piece of pizza or didn’t get to the gym, frustrated that those pants from 5 years ago don’t fit anymore. 

I encourage you to clean out your closet and fill it with clothes that you feel good in, colors, fabrics and sizes that allow you to move and breathe. 

You have the ability to choose to start every morning looking at a closet of clothes that make you smile (setting you up to smile more during your day) VS looking at a closet day after day feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up or even full of shame and hatred of yourself. 

·      You can box some clothes up, bring them to a consignment shop, put them out of site or give them to a shelter for someone else who may need them, to enjoy.

Wearing clothes that feel comfortable on your body is a great way to take care of yourself, an important self-care technique that can also help decrease stress and increase happiness.

3.  Lastly, another way to help you feel good in your body is to let go of all sources of comparison. 

Comparison of friends, family, social media feeds, cultural & societal norms and even younger versions of yourself.  

Here is how…

·      Unsubscribe to social media feeds that make you feel “less than” or not “good enough”

·      Find feeds that make you feel empowered and confident in how you look, check out Shaping Perspectives!

o   Shaping Perspectives...A Woman's Way to Joy

·      Notice when you begin to compare yourself to others...You are the only you.  Only you have your unique genetics.  Comparing yourself to another is like comparing apples to oranges

o   Start to appreciate your unique genetic type, tall, short, narrow hips, wide hips, voluptuous torso, thick thighs, small feet (you get the idea)

Research tells us that comparing yourself to others will decrease your own self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and overall body image. 

Feeling comfortable and appreciating the body that you have today can decrease stress, increase joy and will lead to a life full of more confidence and happiness

Body AA: Acceptance and Appreciation

A pile of clothes are piling up in the corner of my room... the past 10 minutes have gone something like this:

1. Pick out a piece of clothing
2. Try it on
3. Look in Mirror
4. Listen to my Mini-Me speak up..."that makes you look fat, you look disgusting, no way should you wear that."
5. I rip the piece of clothing off and fling it across the room into a heap of clothes on the floor...

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ENTER BODY AA...

Years and years of my life went by very similar to this.  It was only over the last few years that I began the journey to Body Acceptance....and the first step for me was Body Appreciation.

Thus the term Body AA...Too much of my life has been spent hating my body.  I was tired, worn out and burned out from the constant battle inside my head.  Eat this, don't eat that...wear this, don't wear that, work out this way, not that way...UGGGG.

Recently I was asked to respond to some questions about the term Body Neutrality.  A term that Green Mountain at Fox Run, where I had been working as a Program Director,  has been using for years.  Here is a sneak peak at the interview I had with Emilie Cuisinier, a French writer for the Huffington Post. 

*Where does the expression body neutrality come from ?

I first heard the term at Green Mountain at Fox Run. They came up with the term body neutrality when they realized there was a disconnect from the term body positivity within the participants who were immersed in the program. They (participants) would  land at Green Mountain with a great deal of hatred and dislike of their bodies, and to find positivity there was a real stretch.  By utilizing the term Body Neutrality, participants found a way to move away from the body hatred side of the “line” and towards the middle, where they were able to connect with feeling neutral with their bodies. 

*Can you explain this concept in one or two sentences ? 

Body Neutrality is a space where one does not find themselves feeling either body hatred or body love.  It is a space where one learns to begin to respect and honor their body for what it can do and where it is right now. 

*What’s is the difference between body neutrality and body positivity ? 

The hatred that women feel with their bodies comes from their negative self-talk and their beliefs that their body does not look like society presses that it should. And when women try to think positively about their bodies, when they do not feel that way, it contributes to the dislike of themselves…

Body Neutrality is a space that might not be positive.  It might be neutral.  Such as, a body positive woman might say

“My legs look great in these jeans”  or “My body is amazing”   whereas someone who is working within Body Neutrality might say “My legs help me walk down the street” or “My body allows me to hug my daughter”

Body neutrality can be a pausing place on the way towards body positivity.  Because the body positive statements do not feel genuine or authentic to the person saying them…YET…

*During your retreats, do you suggest some kind of mantra to women ? If yes, could you quote some of those mantras ? 

We move through an exercise of what the body CAN do…so “My body can” statements…and appreciation statements.

My body is capable

This is me

I appreciate the freedom my body gives me, because it can walk

My body is mine

My body is my home, it is where I live

My body is the vehicle I travel through this life in

*Although each woman/person is unique, which advice(s) do you always give to people that come to you ?

I encourage people to look at themselves with a different perspective.  Many women feel like all of their self worth is wrapped up in the way their body appears to others.  I try to shed light onto the many other facets of a unique individual.  Because, you are right, we are all different.  So what special and unique gifts, talents, likes, dislikes, and traits make up who you are.  It is a discovery of what makes them “them”.  Move them into finding their authenticity. 

*How/why meditation and mindfulness can help women in their body acceptance work ?

Meditation: There are some great meditations that focus on the body, on gratefulness of the body, of appreciation of the body, of noticing the body, of kindness and compassion of self.  These help women hear the words over and over again, thus decreasing resistance they may have towards liking and accepting their bodies…

Mindfulness: Noticing when the inner critical voice comes up to make negative statements of the body is the first step in beginning to change the language that a person uses with themselves.   This negative voice can come up by stepping on a scale, looking in a mirror, trying on clothes, or maybe a comment from someone else.  Mindfulness can step in and help change the conversation in the brain, by using some of the appreciation statements from above. 

*Do you think Body Neutrality can reach a broader audience?

Absolutely.  For many understanding that they can just start to be a little nicer to themselves by creating some neutral statements, that feel authentic and real to the person saying them can begin a journey to healing.  Taking away the pressures to conform to the societal pressures of loving yourself can be empowering.  To develop some confidence in a woman by helping them see the what their bodies are capable of, to help them understand that their worth is not all wrapped up in this vessel we call the body.  

The goal is to have women begin to see that they are so much more than their bodies.  That their bodies are their vehicles that they live their lives in.  Their bodies can help them create memories and have experiences.  It can provide independence and freedom of movement.

AND that they have so much more to give to the word…when they slowly start to decrease their self-hatred, and move towards appreciation and acceptance of self.

For many, this journey starts with one step…by saying to themselves, my body carried me up these stairs, or my body was strong enough to pick up my daughter and carry her to bed.  That is where appreciation of body can start.

Time to Fight

I look down at my legs...and my mini me begins her assault.  She has been programmed over and over for the past 40 years.  She has lots of ammunition and experience...I cant believe you are so fat, why did you eat that, why didn't you exercise more today...ect...

If I had a penny for every negative body image thought I have had in my head, I would never need to work again....I would be eternally wealthy.  For years, almost entire days have been taken up with comments and  criticism from my mini me.  From counting calories in foods, calculating exercise hours, blaming...shaming...guilting, decisions of what to eat, how much, not caring...bingeing...UGG...

The fight slowly began not too long ago.  I became sick of listening, sick of wasting time.   I was noticing not only the way I was talking to myself, but also the way I was treating myself.  I was my own worst enemy...There are more things to be spending my time on...and better things to be listening too.  There is strength on the inside, happiness to be had.  It was time to engage in this battle. 

Step right up Maxine(my strong, confident alter ego) It is time to go to work.  It is time to come into the neighborhood, and put Mini me in her place.  I know I needed her.  Unfortunately, she had some things to learn... I had to supply her with some ammunition.  Maxine has been given little snip-its of ammo from time to time, only to be blasted by a much more powerful army of thoughts from Mini Me (She is so strong)

I attended a seminar, and a switch turned inside of me.  Hearing the stories of others, to realize we are not alone in our struggles...with our demons, with our voices, or our battles.  The stories we have lived, the stories we have told ourselves.  True or not, they are what we believe.  I have been learning that we have the power to CHANGE THEM!  We have a choice what to think, what to believe and what we say to ourselves.

Enter..Self-Talk...My husband comes home from a training...he brings home these downloads, and asks me to try them.  All you have to do is play them in the background when you are getting ready for work, cooking, eating...whenever.  Hmmm, sounds easy I think, and I would of course love to support him, right?  I don't have an agenda, I just do it.

Within a couple weeks, I notice things changing.  My Maxine gets information, ammunition, new words, new thoughts.  It was like I was taking her to the gym every day and she was getting stronger and stronger.  Mini has gotten tired fighting this new, strong, and educated Maxine.  Maxine has won a few rounds, and is getting energized.  The tired and defeated Mini me is hanging out on the couch, sleeping... 

This self talk has given me hope, power, and independence from my badgering mini me. I am thankful for my husband for helping me with the journey...that I will continue.  If you would like to find out more about this great ammunition watch for the Self-Talk Seminar we are holding at Center Point Church in Concord on April 11 at 1:45pm, or message me.

Give your Maxine a fighting chance.  She is capable of acceptance, joy, happiness, confidence and self-esteem.