“You better watch what she
eats” the doctor said to my mom, “She weighs more than she should at her
age”.
My mom nodded and looked at
my belly.
It was 1973, the year of
Watergate, Roe vs Wade, the ribbon cutting of the world trade center, and the
Carly Simons song ‘Your so Vain” played on the radio
This was the year the Food
& Diet Police were hired at my home just for me.
They:
- · Watched the foods I put on my plate
- · Listened closely for the refrigerator door to open or the candy dish lid to be lifted
- · Allowed me only certain foods
- · Let me know that “Only your brother can eat that, you cannot”
- · Asked me, “How could you be hungry? You just ate “
- · Told me to “Go outside and play, its too early for a snack”
During this time I noticed a steady stream of thoughts and questions that circled around in my brain.
How can I lose weight?
How much more am I going to
have to exercise?
What if I can’t lose weight?
Which led to more pressure
and more negative thoughts and more obsessiveness to obey the food police. I felt this drive to keep striving for the
approval of my parents, my peers and society.
100% of my time and effort was
consumed by keeping my weight in check, keeping up this false idea of what I
should look like and striving for this idealized vision of perfection. I said no to party’s, vacations and
invitations to experience life. The gym
became my best friend. I became lost in my compulsion to succeed.
This landed me in the
hospital for anorexia nervosa and in the care of multiple psychologists. It is no wonder I have struggled with food
and my body for the last 40+ years.
It was only when my knee
began breaking down that I finally noticed what my body was telling me… I was
tired, drained, lacking energy, empty and exhausted. This was the moment I
finally realized that it didn’t matter how much time, energy and focus I spent
on trying to have the perfect body, meet society’s thin ideal or gain my
parent’s acceptance, it was not worth it.
I knew I had to start listening
and respecting my body and it’s needs and fire the food police once and for
all.
Click here to grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image.
