A Letter to my Thighs...

I look at the mirror at my thighs. The mini-me inside my head begins her assault; “I hate you, you are so big, why aren’t you thinner? And these pants look horrible!” 

This harsh criticism and judgment is all too familiar.

I stop, pause and take a breath. In this moment I ask this question; what have my thighs ever done to me to cause me to hate them so much?  

They hear my question and respond:

Dear Annie,

That is a good question, why do you hate us so? All we have ever done for you is support you, yet you continue to treat us poorly, call us fat, pinch us and degrade us. We feel a punching bag, Brocken down and bruised.  We don’t understand.

We have loved being strong and stable for you. As a matter of fact over the years we have:

• Played on sports teams
• Carried 4 babies to term
• Climbed numerous trees and mountains
• Jumped lots of waves at the beach
• Ran, skipped and jumped across fields and parking lots
• Helped carry your mom when she broke her hip
• Shopped, cooked and cleaned for your family
• Stood and cheered for your daughters at their games, concerts and plays.

We have loved helping you live your life. 

We would appreciate it if you did not criticize us for what we look like. We always work hard for you and do our best. We want to be appreciated and accepted by you. Your respect is important to us. Can we please be friends?

We just wanted you to know,  

Your stable and grounded thighs

---------------

I am enlightened….

I have relied on this body to live my life. My thighs and my body that I’ve hated for so long, have done so much for me.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you bash your body every chance you get? Join me in taking some steps to move from hating this body we were given to appreciating it.

It is time to begin to befriend our bodies, show it compassion and kindness… I’ve taken the first step by listening to my thighs.

7 Steps to Becoming Friends With Our Bodies

1. Write one thing that your body has done for you to begin to build this friendship.
2. Build this into a BODY ACCOMPLISHMENT LIST. List ALL of the things your body has done for you. This can include things like hugging a friend, sharing a smile or shivering to keep you warm.
3. Next write a list of what your body CAN do for you today. Place your attentions on the can do's instead of the can't do's. 
4. Pause, take a breath and become aware of your own judgments of yourself, when these thoughts come into your brain, begin to find some kindness with your words.
5. Be mindful of social comparisons and judgments...these will leave you feeling "not good enough"
6. After reflecting on all of the things your body does and can do for you, write a letter to your body or a specific body part that you dislike...AND then write a responds from your body (or body part)
7. Don't spend any more time playing the WHEN I....(lose the weight)...THEN I (will go on that trip) GAME.  Live your life today.  Don't wait any longer

I write an apology...

Dear Thighs,

I cannot believe how horribly I have treated you all these years, after all you have done and continue to do for me. You have enabled me to experience some of my greatest memories… winning a soccer championship, climb trees,  walking down the aisle at my wedding, and rocking my babies to sleep…

You have always grounded me, helped me up when I have fallen and stayed strong. I have hated you merely because you didn’t look a certain way. I am so very sorry. I now realize how much I have come to rely and depend on you to live my life, and I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, so strong, sturdy, dependable and sustainable. 

I appreciate you, and am looking forward to the years to come.  

With Gratitude,

Annie

How to FEEL GOOD in Your Body

How often do you have a negative thought about your body?  

Is it first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror?  Stare at the clothes in your closet?  Step on the Scale?

It is no wonder that 97% of women have an “I hate my body” moment every single day…we have programmed ourselves!

We have, on average about 50,000 thoughts every single day, and research tells us that of these 50,000 thoughts, about 80% of them are negative!  AND on top of that as much as 90% of those are repeated day after day after day!  

So, with this knowledge, it is worth thinking about what it is you say to yourself about your body.  

Pause for a moment and think...What do you say to yourself when you first look in the mirror every morning?  

Is it easy to find a flaw with it right away?  Do you automatically bring judgment to the way you look first? 

Or, do you smile, say hello and take a moment to be grateful to have another day to experience this life and make more memories?

1 ONE of the quickest ways to begin to feel good in your body is to start every day being grateful for one thing about your body. It could be…

·      The unique color of your eyes

·      The strength of your legs

·      Your manicured fingernails

·      Your ability to hear the rain on the roof

·      The smoothness of your skin

·      The shape of your eyebrows

Anything counts here.  This can feel a little awkward at first, due to the fact that women are programmed not to look kindly towards themselves or their bodies in fear that others will think they are arrogant or narcissistic.

BUT, by starting the day noticing something that you like, or something you are grateful for about yourself, you set yourself up for noticing more beauty throughout the day ahead.  Just as if you started your day judging yourself, feeling shame, anger or frustration with your body, you set yourself up to be more judgmental of others as the day progresses.

Why not be a rebel! Begin your day by noticing the wonder of your body and all that it can do: hug, walk, watch a sunrise, listen to music, taste a piece of chocolate, sit in a Adirondack chair, stand to admire a piece of artwork, pick something up off the floor, swing on a swing or swim in the water.

By moving the focus away from what you cannot do and towards what you can do makes a big difference in the way you feel all day.  

2. Another way to feel good in your body is to wear clothes that fit and feel good on your body! 

So many women I know wake up every morning and stare into a closet of clothes that don’t fit, and from there they begin to go into an internal negative dialogue with themselves.  Feeling ashamed that they don’t look like they “should”, angry that they ate that second piece of pizza or didn’t get to the gym, frustrated that those pants from 5 years ago don’t fit anymore. 

I encourage you to clean out your closet and fill it with clothes that you feel good in, colors, fabrics and sizes that allow you to move and breathe. 

You have the ability to choose to start every morning looking at a closet of clothes that make you smile (setting you up to smile more during your day) VS looking at a closet day after day feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up or even full of shame and hatred of yourself. 

·      You can box some clothes up, bring them to a consignment shop, put them out of site or give them to a shelter for someone else who may need them, to enjoy.

Wearing clothes that feel comfortable on your body is a great way to take care of yourself, an important self-care technique that can also help decrease stress and increase happiness.

3.  Lastly, another way to help you feel good in your body is to let go of all sources of comparison. 

Comparison of friends, family, social media feeds, cultural & societal norms and even younger versions of yourself.  

Here is how…

·      Unsubscribe to social media feeds that make you feel “less than” or not “good enough”

·      Find feeds that make you feel empowered and confident in how you look, check out Shaping Perspectives!

o   Shaping Perspectives...A Woman's Way to Joy

·      Notice when you begin to compare yourself to others...You are the only you.  Only you have your unique genetics.  Comparing yourself to another is like comparing apples to oranges

o   Start to appreciate your unique genetic type, tall, short, narrow hips, wide hips, voluptuous torso, thick thighs, small feet (you get the idea)

Research tells us that comparing yourself to others will decrease your own self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and overall body image. 

Feeling comfortable and appreciating the body that you have today can decrease stress, increase joy and will lead to a life full of more confidence and happiness

Its My DEAL

Oh good!  At least I like to shuffle the cards, the way they make that fluttering sound and watch the bridge I have formed between my two hands collapse upon itself.  I think this might be the only part of playing cards I truly like.  The rest of the time I am feeling sick to my stomach, my shoulders are tight, my brain is in overdrive...repeating the words...Think, Anne, Think...Dont make the wrong move...

I have decided now to DEAL myself another hand.  This one is quite different.  It is calming...and feels more like the sunrise with the pinks and oranges in the sky...a warm summer breeze, and the sound of the ocean.  I am embarking on an adventure to my inside, my truest self.  To Discover, Embrace, Accept and Love me...My own D.E.A.L.

The first card in my hand?  Deep Discovery.  To actually take some time with myself.  The searching and unfolding of what is on the inside.  I have recently posted a picture on facebook of me at about 5.  I am standing on the front steps of my grandparents house in Greenfield MA. I am ready to take on the world, my hands are on my hips and I have a confident grin on my face.  There is true happiness, self assurance, pride and even a little mischievesness too. This is the Annie I am in search of.

Discovery may take some time...it takes time to deal out the cards, make sure everyone has the right amount, square off the piles, fan out the cards in your hand.  Realizing that there are some cards in your hand that you dont really want.  The cards like...my mini me, my fear of failure, my fear of success, the judgement of myself, the comparison to others.  Thank goodness there are some cards in my hand that I love...my family and friends!

There it is, my hand is full of all of it.  All of its beauty.  Time to discard.  The first to go is the judgement of myself and comparison to others.  I place the cards down, let them go watching them slowly get buried deeper into the deck.  My hand picks up 2 cards: Laughter and Love,  this game may work out well after all...

Feeling a little more confident, I discard Fear...Fear of Failure, as well as Fear of Success.  The guilt, the shame, the feeling of not being enough, not being deserving...It will be a hard fight to let them go.  They have been such a part of me for so long.  I am letting them go in hopes to pick up some better cards...I close my eyes, give powerful thought and attention to the deck as I pick up my next cards

Acceptance, Belief and Compassion....Looks like we have a straight!   ABC.  I have a loaded hand...ready to Embrace  the real me.  The one I see in that picture that shows determination and pride. The one that fights sociey telling me I can or I can't, I should or I shouldn't.  Accepting my true self without letting all my old stories and beliefs beat me down and take me out of the game.

I am playing until the end...win or lose, it does not matter.  All I need to do is continue to deal the cards, because I know I am strong enough to win no matter what.  I will discard the cards that no longer serve me, and pick up the ones that do, the ones of self-growth, self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-Love.

We are all born with a full deck(well, mostly!)  They are part of us, these cards make us who we are, yet that does not mean we have to keep all the cards we are dealt with.  We have choices to stack the deck in our favor.  Who's deal is it now?

The Comparison Conflict

Why do we compare ourselves to others?  Do we truly want to be someone else?  Live in someone elses' body?  Have someone elses' thoughts? Someone elses' family?  Someone elses' problems or successes?

Families are not perfect, if we put everyones' problems on a table, we would probably take our own back...even successes come with consequences and compromises....

I used to compare myself with everyone.  I wanted those thighs, to be as strong as her, as fast as that one over there...Yup, spending 30-40 hours a week, for over 30 years in gyms and fitness centers  comparing myself to others.  Feeling like I could not measure up, feeling not good enough, not strong enough, not thin enough.  Treating my body poorly and talking negatively to myself numerous times a day, over and over again.

I DECLARE A TRUCE- peace in my heart, peace in my thighs.  This is the body I was given.  Thank you god, for giving me this strong, healthy body.

Society bombards us with perfect images...sexy, fit, airbrushed bodies in magazines...on billboards, on TV and in the movies.  You cannot escape it.  The exposure is daily, and endless...Barbie anyone?

It is time to accept the wonder and truth of our own bodies, our own thoughts, our own success and failures.  To love our thighs and our bellies.  To understand and accept that we are not supposed to be perfect-we are only supposed to be our best selves...give our best efforts.

NO ONE has my unique gene pool, no one has my experiences.  I am the only one who can play the lead in the story of me, just as you are the only one who can play the lead in the story of you.

Step into yourself, play hard as you.  Don't compare your hair with the woman standing in front of you at the supermarket, the butt of the woman on the treadmill next to you,  the number of push-ups the woman next to you is doing at boot-camp.  Be proud of what is yours, take ownership of it.

I am done comparing myself to others, done with the conflict that it stirs inside of me, the judgement of myself...the hatred.

Look at yourself in the mirror tonight, and list at least 10 things you love about yourself!

Here is my list: my smile, my laugh, my back, my strength, my dedication, I care about others, I am a good listener, my stamina, I like to give, I like to share...