I see the apple on the table, I hear my stomach growl, I start to calculate as the numbers tick away in my head...60+80=140+50=190+10+120= 410...no, too much, just walk away...
I walk up the stairs, thinking of what I had done...20 minutes of core work, step class, 30 minutes of legs...
NOT ENOUGH,I should go for a run...
The numbers of calories burned, exercise classes taught or taken, miles run or walked
Calories consumed, calories NOT consumed, points, fat and carb grams counted, Adding and Subtracting;Plotting and Planning
How much longer do I need to stay on this stairmaster? What should my workout look like tomorrow? the day after that? next week?
What will the scale say when I step on it tomorrow? Have I worked hard enough? Eaten too much?
What will the ALL MIGHTY SCALE say about my worthiness tomorrow?
Minuteafter minute, day after day, year after year...from 10 years old until almost 50...Over 95% of my thoughts everyday tick away thinking about how I can affect the number on the scale.
4 DECADES of my life, I have spent all of my time counting and calculating, shaming and blaming, pushing and pulling.
I am sad, frustrated, angry and depressed as I come to this realization.... Why have I wasted so much time with this nonsense?
I sit and cry, I walk and cry, I curl up in a ball and cry as I move through this strange GRIEVING process.
So many should haves, why didn't I's, your so stupids...I mourn the loss of so many years of my life...until...Exhaustion sets in, I am tired and all dried up from crying.
It is time to "fish or cut bait" as my dad would say..."shit or get off the pot" my uncle would say...
Stagnation and depression set in... until...
I think about my daughters, how much I love them, how much I want to see them grow, learn, live and love.
FINALLY, I get it...I need more time...more time in my brain to live here in this world, to live here today...
It becomes apparent that it is TIME TO THROW AWAY:
- The calorie counter in my brain
- The scale on the bathroom floor
- The fit-bit "rewards"
- The class schedules
- The "map my run" app
- The no pain, no gain attitude
- The foods I vowed never to eat
TIME TO GAIN BACK TIME:
- Time to read and write
- Time to share time with friends and family
- Time to reconnect with my body
- Time to think about what used to bring me joy
- Time to make a difference
- Time to enjoy both food and movement
This was me only 6 years ago, and every year since then, I have opened up more space in my head, 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% more timeto focus on the life I am living. Less and less time spent on obsessing and calculating.
This valentine’s day, give yourself the gift of TIME:
· time to enjoy the life you are living TODAY
o in the body that you have TODAY
o in the shape that you are in TODAY
o at the weight your body is TODAY
This is my wish for you...It is SO worth it. To start today, click here to grab your YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image.
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