My Friend LA :)

The perfect way to start my "Happy" blogs is with a close buddy from my college days...the friend who gave a speech at my wedding in 2013.  The words that pop into my head when I think of Laura...intuitive, wise, strong, resilient, truthful...

She tells it like it is, like it or not.  I admire that quality.  She see's more than what is visual to the eye...much more, that is why both Tim and I have hired her to work with us, coach us, help direct us...

The memories we share include swimming off the dock, eating burgers cooked by the big guy and speedboating on lake Winnepesakki....sleepovers, running stairs in Smith hall, all night study sessions, exercise phys class with Dr. B., RA madness, VISION BOARDS, your Fenway run, finding me in the rain in Providence, and sharing late night stories, laughing....and crying.  

Always there with an understanding ear...a smile, a hug....

I am so blessed to have this incredibly smart, sensitive, intuitive and supportive woman in my life.

I am the proud twirling, galloping, goofy fitness professional whose mission is to express childlike joy...because of your belief in me. Xoxx

Many hugs to you my friend...

The Fitness Family...Forever Friends

What forces are in action when you meet someone who becomes instrumental in your development?  Kickball teams in grade school, high school & college sports teams, Sunday morning Low Impact class (hey there Robin!), Stepping, Kickboxing, Running and Spinning.

The sharing of sweat, fatigue, euphoria, strength and heart break.  The hard work that happens with each other,  brings us together in a bond that is unbreakable.  The shared experiences... the failing and succeeding,  the neverending "One More Time"!

I have formed some of the most unique, long lasting, and fundemental friendships I have ever known. From the days playing kickball in 4th grade, through todays 6am Pilates or Bootcamp class...these dedicated, strong, fun loving  girls and woman continue to share, care, support and encourage each other all while working, striving and achieving thier best efforts.  We squat, we pull, we push, we lunge, we punch, we kick...we laugh and we cry.

You all know who you are...too many names to name after 40+ years...

This blog is for you.

I am grateful for you all...you are strong, dedicated, loving moms, wives, grandmothers, daughters and friends...

You are business owners, teachers, coaches, co-workers and life long learners.

It is from all of you that I have learned to trust, respect, encourage, listen, teach, cry and feel. 

Thank you for helping me build and strengthen my character....giving me hope to become a better person every day.

This world is a better place because of all of you.

Running to or away?

I looked at the clock...3:11am, great, a whole 8 minutes after I looked the last time.  I climbed out of bed and pulled on my sweat pants, running bra, three layers on top.  I take the walk up the cold wooden stairs, lace up my sneakers and head out the door.  At this point it is automatic.   I am glad it is early, my schedule says 7 miles, I will be able to run longer though....maybe 9 before I have to get to work to teach the boot camp class at 6am.

Running has become my best friend.  I devour books, magazines, training logs.  I am engulfed with the discipline.  I am dedicated, driven, obsessed and addicted.  The feeling is all too familiar.  How did I get here?  Flashbacks of my anorexia years haunt me.  Am I running away from myself? Or am I running to find myself... I knew I needed help.

I was standing in the kitchen with my oldest daughter.  After a semester of tears, depression and anxiety, we had taken her out of high school. Remove her from the atmosphere that was slowly destroying her and taking her spirit.   There it was, the voice, the tone, the terror.  I had heard it many times.  Making me feel sick to my stomach and making me want to disappear.  Only this time it was not directed at me.  It was directed at her.

That was the moment. Fish or cut bait...I filed for divorce the following day.

Scared, frightened, disappointed, ashamed, guilty...out the door I would go, running again...using it to escape.  Masking my emotions, my anger, my hurt.  Day after day...mile after mile...

I was drinking to help me sleep.  Weight was falling off me.  This is awesome I am thinking to myself.   Isn't that what we all want? To be skinnier?  Co-workers and friends expressed thier concern.  I just thought they were jealous because I was thin now...so proud of myself.

3 miles turned into 6-8-10.  My body always in pain.  A glass of wine, or 2 or 3.   There.  Now I feel better.  I close my eyes...sleep,  ahhh...finally.

Day after day, week after week, month after month.  More and more exersice.  I was lost.  I was depressed.  My daughters needed thier mother back.

Asking for help takes courage and strength.  It is not a sign of weakness.  With the love and support of friends, I began to find my way back to myself.  I asked for help.

When you find yourself in a hole,  that either you can't get out of, or maybe dont want to get out of, find the strength to ask for help.  This life is to be lived with joy, purpose, passion and love.  We all have our own unique talents and experiences to bring to each other.  Let your friends and family be blessed with all of you.  Pull yourself out of the hole.  There is always someone who will be willing throw you a rope, but they can't pull you out unless you are ready.

The strength is within all of us...ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find...

Releasing Regrets

Knee replacement was Monday.  As I sit here with my leg in a movement machine designed to help increase my range of motion, I start to regret my decision to start running...then my brain goes into hyperdrive and I begin to regret other decisions I have made in my life.   STOP

Regret is not helpful for me...or any of us.

It keeps us trapped in the past, keeps us thinking about how things could be different "IF ONLY"

I challenge myself, and you as well to embrace our IF ONLY'S.... Our regrets are an important part of us.  Our lessons learned, knowledge gained, and experiences had , and even treasured.

Let's take a look inside my brain...PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

What if I hadn't started running? I actually always hated running, I only did it cause I had to for sports. Yet in late 2009 with my marriage on the rocks, I started to head out for runs to clear my head.  I knew it was not good for my knee, I could feel every step, yet that was secondary compared to the release and relief it gave the rest of me...mind, body, spirit and soul.  For maybe the first time, I was actually enjoying spending time with myself.

I was a "closet runner" for about a year...no one knew I ran, I was out the door at 4 am most days of the week.

I "came out" as a runner after I entered my first race, a half marathon (not a5 or 10K like most people would start with!). I got in touch with an old friend and co-worker who was a distance runner to ask for advice...and to see if she would want to pace me.  It would be a great opportunity to catch up.  Cyndi agreed with enthusiasm.  The race was more enjoyable than I could have imagined...the energy, adrenaline,excitement and the friendship.

After that race, and over the next year and a half, I have made some of the best friends of my life. I have heard engaging stories, learned, listened and laughed.  It is amazing where conversations can go during a 16 mile run.

As I look at the long painful road of recovery ahead of me, I am willing to release any regrets I have for what I have done in my life, because it is through the tough and trying times that we become the people we were born to be.

If you find yourself in a place of regret...an "If only" moment.  STOP! take a look from at it from a different angle and see what you gained, the learned experiences, from that regret and release it, knowing that you are stronger  and better because of it.