A Letter to my Thighs...

I look at the mirror at my thighs. The mini-me inside my head begins her assault; “I hate you, you are so big, why aren’t you thinner? And these pants look horrible!” 

This harsh criticism and judgment is all too familiar.

I stop, pause and take a breath. In this moment I ask this question; what have my thighs ever done to me to cause me to hate them so much?  

They hear my question and respond:

Dear Annie,

That is a good question, why do you hate us so? All we have ever done for you is support you, yet you continue to treat us poorly, call us fat, pinch us and degrade us. We feel a punching bag, Brocken down and bruised.  We don’t understand.

We have loved being strong and stable for you. As a matter of fact over the years we have:

• Played on sports teams
• Carried 4 babies to term
• Climbed numerous trees and mountains
• Jumped lots of waves at the beach
• Ran, skipped and jumped across fields and parking lots
• Helped carry your mom when she broke her hip
• Shopped, cooked and cleaned for your family
• Stood and cheered for your daughters at their games, concerts and plays.

We have loved helping you live your life. 

We would appreciate it if you did not criticize us for what we look like. We always work hard for you and do our best. We want to be appreciated and accepted by you. Your respect is important to us. Can we please be friends?

We just wanted you to know,  

Your stable and grounded thighs

---------------

I am enlightened….

I have relied on this body to live my life. My thighs and my body that I’ve hated for so long, have done so much for me.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you bash your body every chance you get? Join me in taking some steps to move from hating this body we were given to appreciating it.

It is time to begin to befriend our bodies, show it compassion and kindness… I’ve taken the first step by listening to my thighs.

7 Steps to Becoming Friends With Our Bodies

1. Write one thing that your body has done for you to begin to build this friendship.
2. Build this into a BODY ACCOMPLISHMENT LIST. List ALL of the things your body has done for you. This can include things like hugging a friend, sharing a smile or shivering to keep you warm.
3. Next write a list of what your body CAN do for you today. Place your attentions on the can do's instead of the can't do's. 
4. Pause, take a breath and become aware of your own judgments of yourself, when these thoughts come into your brain, begin to find some kindness with your words.
5. Be mindful of social comparisons and judgments...these will leave you feeling "not good enough"
6. After reflecting on all of the things your body does and can do for you, write a letter to your body or a specific body part that you dislike...AND then write a responds from your body (or body part)
7. Don't spend any more time playing the WHEN I....(lose the weight)...THEN I (will go on that trip) GAME.  Live your life today.  Don't wait any longer

I write an apology...

Dear Thighs,

I cannot believe how horribly I have treated you all these years, after all you have done and continue to do for me. You have enabled me to experience some of my greatest memories… winning a soccer championship, climb trees,  walking down the aisle at my wedding, and rocking my babies to sleep…

You have always grounded me, helped me up when I have fallen and stayed strong. I have hated you merely because you didn’t look a certain way. I am so very sorry. I now realize how much I have come to rely and depend on you to live my life, and I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, so strong, sturdy, dependable and sustainable. 

I appreciate you, and am looking forward to the years to come.  

With Gratitude,

Annie

How to Strengthen the Mother-Daughter Dieting Cycle Relationship

How to end the Mother and Daughter Dieting Cycle while Strengthening Your Relationship and Bond with One Another

Mothers and daughters have a tenuous relationship.  It is challenging enough to move through the chapters of our daughters lives...from infancy to young adult.  They don't come with a manual, darn it!  

Here is a contract that you and your daughter/sister/mother can look at and agree to follow to build a better relationship with food, eating and your bodies.  Taking the time to build a common language can make a big difference in how you navigate conversations that come up between family and friends.  

• Agree to reject the diet mentality and the “ThinIdeal” for
  good.
  
  
• Agree to keep fashion magazines and social media feeds that support the “thin ideal” and dieting mentality out of the house and off phones and computers as much as possible
  
  
• Agree to educate yourself and each other on the physiological and psychological effects of dieting.  Solidifying your belief that diets don’t work
  
  
• Learn to trust yours and your children’s inner food compass.   Ask questions like: Are you hungry? What are you hungry for ...something hot, cold, soft, hard, salty, sweet, snack or a meal?
  
  
• Learn and Agree to Neutralize Foods.
  Educate each other on the different nutritional information about foods without placing Labels or judgment on them (such as good or bad, right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy)
  
  
• Agree to notice, listen and ask what does my body need.
  Encourage each other to tune into their own bodies physical and emotional wants and needs. Give yourself permission to eat or not to eat, and to notice what the body needs... Is it something other than hunger? And if so, what?
  (For more information on emotional eating or how to eat intuitively, email me at annie@shapingperspectives.com I can help!)
  
• Agree to serve a variety of foods to your children and to yourself.This offers independence of choice, develops autonomy and helps insure the body is getting the nutrients it needs.
  
  
• Agree to tune into how you talk to yourself( or others) when you are around your children or your parents.   It is just as devastating or triggering to a mother to hear her child say they “feel fat” or“I’m so fat”
  
  
• Agree to speak up if someone “fattalks” about themselves.vHelp change the conversation to something positive about them or say something like this “Don’t talk about my friend like that”

• Notice how you talk to yourself or act when you are with other members of your family or friends, your words and actions can easily be misinterpreted by others.

• Agree to seek to understand when you hear others talking about someone else’s weight, size or body shape. Strive to make the point that we never really know what is going on in someone else’s life that might have an effect on either weight loss or gain, and that we shouldn’t make assumptions. Some things which we know can impact weight and size include medications, sicknesses, stress, emotional trauma and disordered eating.

• Agree to disconnect exercise from weight loss, burning calories or altering body shape or size. Learn to appreciate your body for what it can today. Incorporate movement, play and exercise is fun and enjoyable, gets you or keeps you out of pain and improves your function and ability to do the things we want to do and value the most. Ie: Dancing, playing with a grandchild on the floor, walking the beach, flying to visit a friend, family member or loved one.

• Educate yourself about weight bias, weight diversity and weight inclusivity. It is the same as race, religion or cultural biases.

• Agree to adopt the philosophy and mindset that all bodies are special, unique and worthy bodies, no matter what size or shape they are.

• Agree to model self-compassion and self-kindness towards yourself.This includes your self-talk, your body image, behaviors and actions.)

• Take action steps to work on healing your own relationship with food, mind and body.

If you would like guidance or support with regards to transforming your relationship with food, mind, body and self, or help with your mother/daughter relationship in regards to food and eating, please contact me at annie@shapingperspectives.com, call me at 603.339.1212 or go to www.shapingperspectives.com I have inspired and empowered hundreds of women like you to achieve their health, wellness and lifestyle dreams and goals.

How to not only survive but to Thrive with PCOS

A beautiful woman with long dark hair and a 10-month old in tow, sat in front of me asking me with tears in her eyes, to help her lose weight.  “I can’t take it anymore! My anxiety is at an all-time high and I am just getting more and more depressed every day.”  she sobbed.  So, as a health and fitness professional, that is what I tried to do.  I put together an individualized program for her and we started working.  

We tried everything, she was game for anything I asked of her.  All she wanted was to be “thin” again.  She was miserable, confused, anxious and disappointed and I was frustrated, I was running out of ideas to help her.   Month after month, we worked together, with no real results.  She was still finding it harder and harder to function.   She was sleep deprived, panicky and stressed out all the time.   I needed to find something to help her deal with her anxiety and stress.  

It was then, that I asked her to visit her doctor and get a full panel of blood tests done.  I was thinking something was going on with her thyroid.  The results revealed a lot, her hormonal markers such as… FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) and androgens to name a few…were way off the normal mark… Her diagnosis? PCOS. (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome)

She suffered with the following symptoms:

·     Irregular and painful menstruation

·     Weight gain 

·     Anxiety and worry

·     Increase stress and depression

·     Insulin resistance 

·     Difficulty losing weight

·     Acne

·     Increased hair growth on face and body (which included a daily ritual of plucking offensive hairs on her face and neck) 

Now, knowing that she had PCOS, I began to look for ways to help, because the only advice she was receiving from her own physician, was to limit her carbs, cut out all sugar, exercise more and LOSE WEIGHT… we had already been there and tried that!

I began to research and further my own education on PCOS, stress and anxiety, disordered eating, and body image, because I saw first-hand the amount of stress, pressure and poor self-esteem she was experiencing.  These symptoms had to do with much more than just her weight. In order to attack her diagnosis and symptoms from all angles, I became a Certified Intuitive Eating Coach, Yoga Nidra and meditation guide, self-care, self-talk and body image specialist.  I knew we had to begin this journey by lowering her stress and anxiety before anything else. 

It was from my own research, education and one on one experience that led me to develop a comprehensive program to specifically address her symptoms…A 5-part program that was not geared toward weight loss, as her physicians continued to recommend to her, but one focused on stress, balance, function and joy. This is how...

This Finally!  Free, Fit and Fabulous program works for women suffering from PCOS, as well as others struggling with weight, anxiety, stress, food or body image issues.

1.     Intuitive and Supportive Eating vs. Calorie Restriction

Diets don’t work. In 1997, Dr. Wayne Wescott wrote about how 95% of dieters regain the weight they lost…Diets, and calorie restriction is not an effective way to lose weight in the long run. Learning the process of trusting the bodies internal hunger and fullness cues and other intuitive eating principles has proven to help people land at a weight that is sustainable and healthy for their bodies.  So, this client began listening to what foods gave her energy, foods that digested easily in her system, foods that she LIKED.  Eating soon became pleasurable instead of stressful and anxiety provoking for her.

2.     Move, Play and Exercise with more JOY! Vs. Traditional Exercise Routines

Disconnecting Exercise with weight loss, calorie burning or changes in body shape is the first step to how moving the body (like we did naturally as children) actually feels.  By taking away the “Have to”, the “Should do” and the “Need to” from your exercise program, you begin to release the anxiety that comes from not doing it “right” and you can start to find more enjoyment in just moving. When you find a way to move that you connect with and enjoy, it becomes a WANT TO, which means less stress that surrounds the idea of exercise. When you want to do something, you do it without guilt, without shame, without coercing…it becomes sustainable and ENJOYABLE! Begin trying some new things...maybe Tai Chi, walking with friends or dogs and dancing.    

3.     Self-Care to Stress-Less

Implementing Self Care is essential in this journey of living with more joy and less anxiety.  There is a tendency to think that taking time for yourself is selfish.  What I would like you to consider is this: the more you think about putting others first, not being “good enough” or trying to change yourself (through diet and exercise) you increase your stress levels.  The more stress you endure both physically (diet/exercise) and emotionally (anxiety, worry, shame, guilt) the higher the levels of cortisol you release.  Cortisol signals the body to hold onto weight and it increases anxiety, irritability and depression.  Finding time for you, through self-care to lower stress will decrease your cortisol and evens out other your other hormone levels.  It is essential to find time to read, pause, journal and meet friends for coffee, and notice if your stress and anxiety begin to lower.

4.     Implementing Positive Self Talk instead of harsh self-criticism 

We all live with an inner critic.  I call mine my “mini-me” and she pops out whenever I am feeling “less than”.  Our internal thoughts and mindset effects everything we do.  The women I meet think about weight, lack of willpower, what they could and couldn’t eat, what they could or couldn’t wear and how much of a failure they feel like. (the mini-me talking).  All of this negative self-talk only increases panic attacks and heightens  anxiety levels.  Through finding a new positive inner voice (your “maxi-me”) You will begin to tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving of self-love, self-compassion and self-confidence and because of this switch, you will also find yourself taking risks and empowering others to as well.  

5.     “Body AA”. Acceptance and Appreciation of the here and now body VS. Body hatred and body shame.

Implementing appreciation and acceptance of your “today’s” body is one that takes time and patience.  It is especially important for women suffering from PCOS.  This development and growth includes practicing and strengthening your Maxi Me voice with self-compassion and self-kindness AND implementing a regular practice of recognizing and owning your individual bodies strengths and talents. YOU ARE so much more than the size and shape of your body.  As you begin to accept yourself as you are, you are able to embark on your journey of sharing you own unique gifts and passions with those around her.  

By incorporating these 5-steps, my clients (and you) will be able to accept and embrace your PCOS symptoms, so that they become much more manageable.  Not only has will you survive you will thrive.  You will find yourself happier while significantly reducing your stress and anxiety, and have the skills and tools to handle it when it shows up in your life. 

Click here to learn more about our services at Shaping Perspectives. 

I was walking the beach yesterday, and noticed the path of a snail, winding, circular, curious. It reminded me of my journey. Trying so hard to get somewhere only to wind up back where I started. Diet after diet, cleanse after cleanse, workout after workout.

I paused, at first saddened by that thought...of all that wasted time, yet, if it wasn’t for the journey, the “failures” the pain and exhaustion...I wouldn’t have found myself FINALLY here.

At peace with my body, free from the obsessive thoughts about calories, food and eating...

Mindfully stepping forward, noticing, tasting, feeling.

Moving towards the feelings of not being good enough with compassion.

Releasing the expectations of perfectionism and detaching from the outcome of my work...

Letting myself write my story, one word at a time, following my gut, trusting my instincts...

Laughter, joy, connection, forgiveness, sadness, loneliness, frustration, loss, regret....are all ok and expected to be interwoven in and our of our lives, no one can escape.  It is there to be fully experienced.

Keep moving forward, experience failure and success, and notice how we never get stuck forever in one place, even when we feel like we are going backwards, we are learning and growing stronger.

Step into your unique story...if you Are feeling stuck, reach out for help...there is hope for you find your way.  www.shapingperspectives.com

What is your purpose?

"Why do you do what you do?"  she asked...

I took a deep breath...my eyes started to leak...

"Because I don't want other women to waste the time, energy, and their self respect, self-esteem and self confidence that I did" I say.  Over 40 years of dieting, depression, anxiety, addiction, and continued criticism of self...

This video is to remind me of why I do what I do.

Finally Free from E D 
It is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

If you are someone who is in recovery or have recovered from an eating disorder and can spread a positive message of encouragement and hope to others, I encourage you to do so.  Your story and voice maybe just what they need to start their own journey of healing and recovery. 

If you have a love one struggling with an eating disorder, maybe this week is about learning and gathering tips or resources for how to help, support and love unconditionally. 

If you have an eating disorder and having a difficult time call the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. Learn what support, resources and treatment options are available for yourself or a loved one. 

My goal of this week's email it to change the conversation and perspective about diets, body image, eating disorders, disordered eating and the diet culture. I want to take the conversation off of our bodies, weight and dieting and share with you how dangerous dieting and eating disorders are. 

Eating Disorders Defined: 

According to the NEDA, "Eating disorders are recognized and categorized as a mental illness where there is an unhealthy relationship with food." Many individuals with eating disorders often struggle with body image and disrupts their normal every day activities with unusual eating habits to alter their appearance. 

There are 3 main categories of eating disorders are; 

1. Anorexia Nervosa (an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat) 

2. Bulimia Nervosa (the act of binge eating then purging or vomiting)

3. Binge Eating (eating until uncomfortably full in one sitting) 


Causes of Eating Disorders: 

Eating disorders can have one or both causes;  Genetics (the research indicates up to 72% maybe caused by genetics) and psychological (lack of coping skills, control issues, trauma, family trouble or social issues such as the thin ideal or the diet mentality). 


Did You Know: 

• Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness 
• 24 million individuals in the U.S. struggle with an eating disorder
• There is a strong link between eating disorders and depression (of those 24 million, close to 1/2... 50% meet the clinical diagnosis for depression) 
• Less than 10% of individuals with eating disorders receive treatment 
• There is a strong relationship between dieting and developing an eating disorder (35% of normal diets will progress to pathological dieting and 20-25% of those individuals will develop an eating disorder)

The $60 Billion Dieting Industry:

• The dieting industry generated $10 billion dollars in 1980 and presently generates over $60 billion dollars in 2016 and only increasing.
• Diets have a 95% failure rate and those who lose weight gain their lost weight back and put on additional weight within 1 to 5 years

The failure rate is so high, not because individual's aren't good or strong enough but because our BODIES are DESIGNED to FIGHT WEIGHT LOSS.


The Dieting Mentality and Thin Ideal:

• 46% of Nine to Eleven year olds are sometimes or very often on a diet
• 82% of Nine to Eleven year olds, report that their families were very often or sometimes on diets
• 91% of college woman, admit to controlling their weigh through dieting. 22% so they dieted always or often
• 68% of girls ages 10 to 18 confirm that photographs of models and celebrities in magazines inspired their desired body shape
• More than 50% of teen girls and nearly 33% of teen boys admit to using unhealthy methods to control their weights including smoking cigarettes, skipping meals, fasting, vomiting and taking laxatives
   

Dieting Research (food restriction), physiology of weight-loss and weight gain:

• Dieting and food restriction causes intense cravings which often leads to over-eating and over-indulgence
• Focusing on dieting and weight loss is not only distracting but also leads to slower reaction time, ability to concentrate or make decisions due to the lack of adequate nutrients
• Dieting causes leptin and other hormones that satiate people FALL (go down) and a hormone (Ghrelin.. the hunger hormone) that make us want to eat Increase (go up) Dr. Proietti 
• Dieting puts multiple physiological mechanisms in place to get you to PUT the Weight BACK on
• Dieting is an external way of regulating food. Using external factors to determine what, how much and when to eat causes individuals to disconnect from our bodies and our intuition (Getting in tune with one's body and intuition is one of the most important skills that individuals who have eating disorders gain from treatment)
• The more an individual diets, the more weight you gain (chronic dieting history)
• Research shows that those who diet, gain more weight, are more obsessive over food and are at an increase of binge eating
• Research from the winners of the biggest loser competition showed that intensive dieting and exercising were no match for how hard the body fights to keep fat and weight ON.
• Dieting impacts kids, teens, adults and are the leading predictors of weight gain and increase risks of binge eating and eating disorders

Dieting Impact kids, teens and adults (from Evelyn Tribole):

• In kids ages 9-14 (8 to 12%) are at risk for binge eating versus those who never dieted
• Kids who diet, gain more weight and binge more 
• For teens dieting is one of the single most predictors leading to an eating disorder
• Teens who diet, gain weight, binge eat and increase their risk for eating disorders
• Adults who diet,  gain weight, have an increased risk of binge eating and eating disorders

The truth is that almost everything we think we know about obesity and weight loss is a myth.

It's only when we embrace and implement the "science of weight loss" and reject the diet mentality, the thin ideal and the diet culture and learn an integrated comprehensive approach to transforming our relationship with our food, mind, body and self can we make peace with food and our bodies once and for all,  


An invitation to finally make peace with food, eating and your body and join the diet free sisterhood! 

If you are still struggling with eating and your body and it feels like you have tried everything, and believe that freedom from food, eating and body struggles is not possible... Think again!  There is hope and anything is possible!   

I invite you to explore our website, and pic up our free YOU ARE ENOUGH! Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous Guide...A 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image.  

You are worth it. 


Sending Joy! 

Anne Poirier, "Joy Builder"
Founder, Shaping Perspectives... A Woman's Way to Joy!

P.S.  Contact me to schedule one of my most popular signature talks "You Are Enough" Finally Free, Fit and Fabulous!