I wish I knew now, what I knew then.

Sometimes life takes you by surprise.  Suddenly you find yourself somewhere you don’t really want to be, or maybe somewhere you never EVER could have imagined.

Have you ever realized the decisions you made in the past have brought you right her, right now, to this place in your life?

After years of beating myself up, worrying about food, exercise, my body and the number on the scale, I realize it was all for good reason.  It has changed me, an actually has freed me from the chains of my own self-hatred.

Do you ever think to yourself: If I only knew then, what I know now

Have you ever thought about composing a letter to your younger self?  Can you think about how you would share some of the wisdom and experiences from your past? 

This letter can help you realize how much you have grown, how some of the hardest times you have gone through may have contributed in a positive way to your life right now.  Maybe you are stronger, more resilient or wiser.   Maybe you realize you are so much more than the size of your body or a number on the scale.

Kinda like this...

Dear Annie,

This life will get complicated.  It will be hard, frustrating, and confusing at times.  It will be filled with periods of pain and periods of joy.  There may be times when you will want to crawl under the covers and stay in bed, and other times you will find yourself jumping up and down on your bed with pure joy. 

There will be disappointment and failure, accompanied by feelings of sadness, anger, shame or guilt.  During these times, remember this:

·       These moments DO NOT DEFINE YOU

·       These feelings are real, validate them, and know they will pass

·       These are the times when you will learn and grow, gain strength, knowledge, compassion, understanding and resilience

·       These experiences may come again, and you will be better prepared

·       You may look back at these times and nod your head in understanding

·       THIS PERIOD WILL NOT LAST FOREVER

There will also be victories and successes that will be accompanied by feelings of happiness, confidence, warmth or exhilaration.  

During these times remember this:    Make time to CELEBRATE THESE MOMENTS.   

         All too often women move right onto the next big thing, without taking time to celebrate the success

·       Cherish them, write them down, capture them so that you can share the feelings and experiences with others (friends, family, grandchildren)

·       Think about the hard work and determination that gets overlooked in the accomplishment of a success.  Realize that it didn’t “just happen”.  That you made it happen through hard work, dedication and discipline.

·       Know that this will not last forever either, our lives naturally have an ebb and flow to them

The moments and experiences in your life become part of your story, it makes you who you are.  Your own unique, special, one of a kind YOU.

There are a few other tidbits I would like to share with you

·       You can agree to disagree with others
·       Communication is an important skill to continue to work on
·       Stay true to your own values and beliefs
·       Trust your gut
·       Bodies all come in different sizes and shapes
·       Size does not dictate health
·       Food is not the enemy
·       Everyone you meet has a story
·       Surround yourself with people you respect, like to be around and who give you energy
·       Dare to be different-what other people think of you is their business
·       Your career, family, successes, failures or body size do not define who you are
·       Your imperfections make you perfect
·       Develop an internal voice that is kind and compassionate
·       Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Live this life for today, don’t put off doing anything because of your size, weight or thoughts about what other people will think

With much appreciation and love,

Annie

Your turn, write your own letter.  What do you want to tell yourself?  Would you like guidance to find freedom in your body, freedom with food, freedom from you inner critic?  I have been there, I would love to support you in your journey, schedule an EMBRACE YOU breakthrough session today! 

I wish I knew then, what I know now....A mom's apology to her daughters

When we have children, we are not given a guide book.  All we have is our own experiences, our intuition and what we "think" is best to go on as we raise our children.  OHHH How I wish I knew then, what I know now.

This is a note to my own daughters, apologizing for not modeling or teaching them: (and other young people as well, who grew up with similar role models.)  

That their bodies are uniquely beautiful and individual...and that food has a  purpose and can be enjoyed.

My dearest daughters, 

I want to apologize for not being a very good role model for you when in comes to food, eating and body image.  I was too scared to teach you the wrong things, and contribute to you not feeling good enough.

I grew up in a quest for a better body, knowing and believing that mine did not look like it should and was not "good" enough.

It consumed all my thoughts, actions and behaviors.  It was all I knew. 

As you both grew up, I actually tried to impose the exact opposite of my own thoughts about food and body image on you, because I did not want  you to grow up like me, obsessed with food, calories and the numbers on the scale.  

I wished for you both to have a healthy relationship with food and your bodies.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the following behaviors I am not proud of: 

• Saying no to a slice of your birthday cakes (I didn't want to consume the calories)
• Not eating dinner with you at night (because I had been eating all afternoon)
• Offering you food to ease your pain (I didn't know what else to do)
• Not teaching you a healthy balance and educate you on the importance of food (I did not know it myself)
• Being angry when you couldn't sleep (and caught me eating cheese-its)
• Witnessing my own body hatred when I looked in the mirror (Hearing my internal "mini-me" tell me how fat I was)
• Always being to "tired" to play outside or swim with you at the beach (I had spent all my energy at the gym earlier in the day)
• The hours you spent at the day care in the gym 
• Seeing me throw clothes on the floor in fits of anger 
• Witnessing the "changing of the rules around food" when other people were around (trying to show others I was a good parent)

I wish I knew then, what I know now.  

I would like to take this opportunity to share what I have learned: 

NOW I would teach you

• How to love and appreciate that unique and special body you live in. 
• To listen and trust your own internal messages of hunger and fullness
• That food is not good or bad, it is just food
• To strengthen your own inner MAXI-ME's (the positive, supportive, kind and compassionate inner voice you have in your head) by listening positive self talk with you

I would also: 

• Model balanced eating and moving behaviors
• Look at my own body with respect and appreciation 
• Enjoy dinners, birthday cake, playing at the playground and swimming at the beach
• Stick up for our families relationship with food, no matter who was around.

I am writing this to let you know that we are all human and make mistakes sometimes. It is part of what makes us unique and special, and through these mistakes it creates the opportunity for us to learn and grow.  I am sorry for my mistakes as your mom. 

For you both...

I wish you joy & happiness as you navigate your adult lives

I wish you acceptance and appreciation of your bodies 

I wish you freedom and peace with food and eating 

I wish you forgiveness of self when mistakes are made

I wish you support of good friends and family when times get tough

I wish you continued growth and learning

I wish you a life full of experiences and memories

I wish you much laughter & love

With love,

Mom


If you have any regrets similar to mine, please feel free to reach out at annie@shapingperspectives.com or click here to learn more. 

My food police diary

“You better watch what she eats” the doctor said to my mom, “She weighs more than she should at her age”. 

My mom nodded and looked at my belly. 

It was 1973, the year of Watergate, Roe vs Wade, the ribbon cutting of the world trade center, and the Carly Simons song ‘Your so Vain” played on the radio

This was the year the Food & Diet Police were hired at my home just for me. 

They:

• ·      Watched the foods I put on my plate
• ·      Listened closely for the refrigerator door to open or the candy dish lid to be lifted
• ·      Allowed me only certain foods
• ·      Let me know that “Only your brother can eat that, you cannot”
• ·      Asked me, “How could you be hungry?  You just ate “
• ·      Told me to “Go outside and play, its too early for a snack”

During this time I noticed a steady stream of thoughts and questions that circled around in my brain.

How can I lose weight?

How much more am I going to have to exercise?

What if I can’t lose weight?

Which led to more pressure and more negative thoughts and more obsessiveness to obey the food police.  I felt this drive to keep striving for the approval of my parents, my peers and society.

100% of my time and effort was consumed by keeping my weight in check, keeping up this false idea of what I should look like and striving for this idealized vision of perfection.  I said no to party’s, vacations and invitations to experience life.  The gym became my best friend. I became lost in my compulsion to succeed.

This landed me in the hospital for anorexia nervosa and in the care of multiple psychologists.  It is no wonder I have struggled with food and my body for the last 40+ years. 

It was only when my knee began breaking down that I finally noticed what my body was telling me… I was tired, drained, lacking energy, empty and exhausted. This was the moment I finally realized that it didn’t matter how much time, energy and focus I spent on trying to have the perfect body, meet society’s thin ideal or gain my parent’s acceptance, it was not worth it. 

I knew I had to start listening and respecting my body and it’s needs and fire the food police once and for all.

Click here to grab your free YOU ARE ENOUGH Finally, Free, Fit and Fabulous 5 step guide to peace with food, eating, weight and body image. 

Overheated, Overinflated, Over the hill…Call AAA!

“I think my body has been inhabited by aliens!  I cry at the drop of a hat, my brain has gone on vacation, it feels like I am sleeping in the hot desert one moment and the frozen tundra the next, and I don’t even know what is happening to my stomach”

Does any of this sound familiar? If you are a woman approaching the age of 40, or well into your 70’s you will understand what I am talking about.  The manic and magical years of menopause. 

I have elicited the help of AAA to help us through this.  The AAA attack of menopause

AWARENESS: What the heck is going on

To be aware of what the body goes through when it is approaching and going through menopause

1.       Your moods are unstable. The fluctuation of hormones creates a sea of sorts of your moods.  You may cry at a commercial, get angry at a seemingly innocent comment, snap at your friend for no reason.  This is normal.  Being aware of the highs and lows can take some stress off of beating yourself up for your feelings.

2.       Your brain is in a fog.  You may feel like you can’t remember anything from minute to minute.  You are working diligently on a task, and suddenly, you brain draws a blank.  Normal, take a breath, get a glass of water, or some nourishment, and move forward. 

3.       You throw your blankets off in a hot sweat, only to be freezing cold within minutes.  The influx of hormones creates this unique hot flash or night sweat within your body.  Think of it as a wave of energy that moves through you, instead of the devil that has swept through. 

4.       Your pants don’t fit the way they used too.   As you move through menopause you may find that your body gains weight.  Usually this weight is gained in the belly (thus the “menopot” saying).  Being aware that there are many things going on in your body that elicits this weight gain can help you move through the menopause years with a kinder and more compassionate inner voice.  One that does not beat you up (thus increasing stress levels and cortisol to only encourage further weight gain).  Strengthening this kind and gentle inner voice can be of great benefit to you in the upcoming years. See: Embracing the Roll

ACCEPTANCE: This is a new chapter of life

To be accepting that our bodies are going through normal changes

1.       Accepting the fact that your body may change as you age.  When you wake up and notice that you do not still have the body you had 10 years ago, and decide you are going to “do something about it”, try to remember that dieting or restricting food OR over exercising will only set you up for further weight gain (95% of dieters regain their weight and sometimes more within 3 years) One of the most advantageous things you can do is accept that your body may change as you get older. Note: I am not saying there are not things we can do (see our ammunition tips below)

2.       Realizing that you are in a different stage of life.  That your body and mind both may be driving you crazy right now, however, these are all normal changes that our bodies make.

3.       Acceptance of skin, hair and nail changes.  These are also normal during menopause.  They are also very different for everyone.  What is happening to your friend, may or may not happen to you.  All of it is normal.

AMMUNITION: Be prepared for the change

There are many things that can help to make this transition easier for you and the people around you

1.       Find some movement you enjoy.  Exercise can be helpful in many ways: 

 

• Increase the feel good hormones like endorphins
• Increase self-esteem and confidence
• Decrease depression and anxiety
• Decrease Stress
• Can help with changes in body due to weight gain

      2.       Nourish yourself with foods that feel good AFTER you eat them.  There can be  some changes in the way your body digests specific foods as you age.  Be aware and pay attention to the way that foods feel after.

3.       Engage in self-care strategies.  Taking care of yourself is extremely important.  It can cut down on stress levels (and cortisol).  Without self-care, you tend to end up pouring out of an empty cup.  Take time to fill yourself back up.   Self-Care looks different for everyone.  What relaxes you?  Here are a few suggestions

a.       Take a walk with a friend or an animal friend

                    b.       Take a bath or shower
                    c.       Get a message, manicure or pedicure
                    d.       Carve out time to read a good book
                    e.       Color, draw, journal or do a crossword
                    f.        Dance or listen to music
                    g.       Find a new hobby or craft
                    h.       Watch a movie
                    i.         Pray

4.       Connect with Nature, nature can decrease stress levels, increase creativity, belonging and self-confidence.

                           a.       Take walks

                           b.       Garden

                           c.      Make a snowman

                           d.       Eat outside or have a picnic when you can

5.       SLEEP.   Sleep is essential to living a full life.  Some tips to get a restful sleep include

a.       Having a relaxation routine before bed.  This could include some light stretching, a cup of tea, journaling, prayer or some soft music

                    b.       Sleep in a dark and cool room
                    c.       Cut off screen time at least 1 hour before bed
                    d.       Keep your phone in another room
                    e.       Avoid drinking caffeine 6 hours before bed
                    f.        Hot flashes and night sweats can interrupt sleep.  Everyone will experience them a                             little differently.  Cutting down on caffiene, spicy foods and alcohol can help

                                                              

6.       Develop a kinder more self-compassionate voice.  As changes occur in your body and mind, know that these changes are normal.  Be kind and gentle to yourself as you move forward.

When you do not recognize yourself one day when you wake up…like you have been abducted by the aliens of menopause, call AAA.  Being aware of what is happening can be the first step in accepting that you are headed into a new chapter of your life.  Utilize some of this ammunition and move into this amazing chapter with more energy and a giant size cup full of self-care and self-compassion.  Intuitive Eating and Body Image Coaching can help.  Annepoirier11@gmail.com

The Dieting Blame Game

I must be close to winning this game I have been playing for 4 decades.  

I have blamed myself for failure to lose, failure to succeed, failure to sustain.  

I have blamed the diets I have tried...saying they don't work. 

I have blamed the exercise trends for not producing the results they promise...

Blame this, Blame that, Blame me, Blame you...

I have deluded myself that it is someone else fault, my fault.  I don't have enough will power.  I am not strong enough, disciplined enough...bla bla bla...

In actuality...Diets are just specific (usually restrictive) food plans and Exercise fads are just alternative ways to move your body.

What works for your body, and your life, will not necessarily work with mine.  I am different.  You are different.  

The blame does not belong on you, or me, or the diet or the exercise plan. 

weight watchers, jenny craig, opti-fast and zone
deal-a-meal, master cleanse, south beach and clean
paleo, cabbage soup, low fat and OA
scarsdale, dexatrim, gluten free and effedra.

jazzercise, jane fonda, richard simmons and suzanne summers
buns of steal, cross fit, tabata and johnny G
insanity, bootcamp, marathons and HIIT
step, slide, cycle and barre
fitbits, heart rates, target zones and more

Blaming this, Blaming that..
all comes down to this fear of FAT

FAT: Essential Food Nutrient.  Important for structural and metabolic functions
FAT serves as a source of energy in the body.  It serves as a protection mechanism by providing padding around essential organs, and provides insulation from the heat and cold
FAT produces an important hormone (leptin) to help us with satiety

Since when did it become an adjective?  A word that is associated with lazy, ugly, unmotivated, undisciplined, sloppy, unmotivated....

Why have we spent years blaming ourselves for not succeeding as we follow a plan that was not designed for us?

This Blame Game cannot be won by anyone...

It is time to begin to trust YOURSELF...your hunger, your fullness, your internal drive to move your body in a way that feels good to YOU.

Your body is smarter than you think. It knows what it needs, if you just start to listen.

Start this year out by taking responsibility of your choices, and release the blame. 

It is time to let go of the should do's  and the have to's, or the newest diet or exercise trend you see on Facebook or TV. 

You are worthy of eating food, for it will provide you with energy and pleasure
You are worthy of JOY-ful movement, for it will feel good in your body and soul.

Stop playing the blame game and decide to choose what works for you, trust in yourself.  

Need direction?  I can help...Intuitive Eating Coaching releases the blame.  
It is a weigh to finding peace with food and body.  Freedom of the guilt, shame and blame.  annepoirier11@gmail.com